batch no.: 24051988

2010-04-13T04:22:00.000+08:00

自备环保购物袋

2008-06-02T22:31:00.002+08:00

正在看晚间新闻，说道本地超市的自备购物袋日定为每个星期三。同时也谈到虽然有六成的顾客表示支持自备购物袋日，却只有两成的人以行动支持。而当被问到时，民众表示是因为他们不知道是哪一个星期三要自备购物袋。对此我想表示我的看法。

推广自备购物袋日是为了让民众有环保意识，尽量少用塑料袋。既然如此，就应该常常带环保带到超市去，而不是只在被设定为”自备购物袋日“的那一个星期三自备购物袋。就算你只想在“自备购物袋日”自备购物袋，你难道就不能每个星期三都自己准备购物袋吗？这都是借口嘛。就老老实实的说 “我暂时还不习惯” 就好了，不是吗？如果民众不自动的准备购物袋，那这整个运动不就失去了意义吗？

I can't say that I always bring my own grocery bag when visiting supermarkets, but at least I try as much as possible not to ask for it, and just stuff the things in my own bag. Times when I do ask for a plastic bag in a supermarket, are when I purchased fruits and vegetables, frozen products, dairy, meat, chilled drinks etc. Reason being I don't bring a grocery bag with me but use my personal bag that I carry everywhere, which I try as much as possible not to be in too much contact with water except when in the wash. So I'll have the dried stuff in my bag and have the rest in a plastic bag. I still ask for carriers but at least I try my best to cut down on that, and as much as possible not to use them.

So stop giving ridiculous excuses and just bring your own grocery bags! Especially when it's a home-supermarket-home trip.

Sharon stone

2008-06-01T18:45:00.002+08:00

Can't believe she said that on my birthday! GOODNESS... Glad I didn't know that on my birthday, but sad that I was just informed of her comment a week after it was made. KARMA?! You effing think it was KARMA?! Because they treat the Tibetans badly? It might just be your comment, not the whole of US's but shouldn't you be more responsible for what you say as an American celeb or just as one human being? If this was karma, then the Americans had their karma too! All the hurricanes that happened including Katrina, and 911, YES, 911. 911 is not a natural disaster but if you believe in karma, 911 is karma too. You Americans have sinned and that is karma. Sharon Stone said that it's karma that the earthquake occurred, so let's say that something happens in US very soon, we're just going to say that it's karma, because of what sharon stone said irresponsibly.

It's ok if you don't want to help, just keep your mouth shut! But thanks for being truthful, and thanks for helping us reveal how heartless people can get.

我是爱哭鬼

2008-05-09T23:12:00.002+08:00

我讨厌身边的人心情不好的时候，因为我很容易受影响而也变得心情差。我的哭点很低，因此常见到我的泪水。看到眼泪会让我更加难过...

最近哥哥心情似乎不是很好。爸爸刚刚也因为我看网上视颖笑开了而叫我安静。一下子的愉悦就这样灭了。

是我自私吧。
看了这么多的二十岁为追求梦想而努力让我觉得我很幼稚。

我就是爱哭。

I could have gotten a room!

2008-05-07T20:44:00.002+08:00

AHHHH... a senior called recently to ask if I applied for hall next sem. I didn't. Asked him why, he said I'm actually in his recommendation list, and would have a higher chance if i actually applied. Sigh... I could have gotten a room! Now that I can't get a room anymore, I would have to spend those nights (that i have to spend in school) in adm. :( I can't sleep in a nice bed, have my own space to rest and stay up late at night without my mum nagging me to go to bed earlier. Sigh... Staying in hall and at home have their good points and bad points but I think I'll regret not applying for hall for year 2. AHHHHHHHHH...

Actually they should have informed us about these stuff before the application, so that we can put it into e consideration right. I thought they'll only recommend ppl like the leader of a certain group, not just an "inter-hall games player". I wonder if I'd apply for hall if i knew tt i can stay. Still, it's a pity.

过程

2008-03-28T07:27:00.004+08:00

I no longer feel that excitement, but I still remember the pain.

Is that how it's supposed to be?

打从一开始就已经决定是个过程，而它最后也真的是个过程。

out of focus

2008-02-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

I'm not coping well in school. I've been running away so much. I don't know why. It's already sem 2 and I'm still not getting e hang of it. I just can't find the momentum. Am I really suited for this kind of life? Can I really make it in this industry? Can I even make it in this world? So many questions. I feel that everyone is so ahead of me. I feel that everyone is so hardworking and so passionate about what they're doing. Me? Me? I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm a failure.

I need a change in my life. My attitude towards work sucks. I hope I'm going to improve, and find my way eventually. FOCUS!!

如果

2008-01-21T23:55:00.001+08:00

如果。。。如果我哪一天突然静下来，哪会是怎样的？

最近突然满低潮的，自开课以来就渐渐的在往下走。不断的怀疑自己的能力，不断的对自己失去信心，不断的问自己在生活里到底在追求着什么。人静下来，其实还满恐怖的吧。虽然我知道一定会走过去的，就如同以往一样，但这一次我真的很怀疑，也真的很失望。我的人生，就这样被我浪费掉吗？

我觉得我需要时间，但经验告诉我就算给我时间，我最终也只会挥霍掉。“我这一生注定是个失败者吧”，我最近常会有这样的念头。

低潮。。。不会就这样吧我吞下吧。我会走出来吧。我会改掉坏习惯吗？我到底。。。。。。

我真的什么都不想做。为什么生活步调就得要那么快？为什么不能在要做什么时就做什么，而不想做时就不做。这么简单的快乐也不给我。

我现在过的人生，感觉毫无意义。Who's there to bring me some meaning in my life?

三叔公

2007-12-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

In Memory of ...

14 December 2007, Friday
He was in pain, and was sent to the hospital by his son. Emergency. There was something wrong with his intestines, or at least that's what I've heard. He had to go for operation immediately, and the result was no good news. The doctor told the family to prepare for the worst. He was in the ICU after the operation. Relatives were informed, relatives were informing other relatives, relatives paid visits, showed their concerns. The wife was persuaded to go home and take a rest.

15 December 2007, Saturday
I called my mother after dance practice at about 9 pm, to ask if there was food at home, there was not. I received information from her that he passed away, and that I should go straight to his place. There is no need for me to buy food back as food is prepared there. I imagined his place, packed with concerned relatives, with food prepared... by who?

I reached the building, looked up and see no light from his windows. I walked up the stairs slowly while calling my mother. She said to walk across the street, it's at the void deck there. So it was not his apartment to visit, I didn't know that everything would be done so fast, but it all seems logical now that I looked back. Was everything this fast when it was my grandmother who passed away?

I reached before my parents did, and saw his daughter and daughter-in-law. I greeted them. She seemed to be coping well, but I guessed she was just putting on a tough front. I saw his wife, who seemed to be better than I thought, but like the daughter, I thought that she was just trying to be strong. I saw his son, who is the first one I thought looked sad, but was still fine. I saw his grandson, whom I think was not as close to his grandfather as he used to be. My family came. We stayed till around midnight.

16 December 2007, Sunday
I was told that his birthday is 17 December; the next day. My family had to wear the white shirt and pin the coloured cloth on our left sleeves. His eldest daughter and her family came back from their overseas trip late at night, when most people have left. She looked grim. Her younger sister walked with her to the coffin to see him. She was the first person there I see crying so honestly. It was impossible to hide it, I guess.

I saw him for the first time since he died. The tip of his nose was already turning grey, even with the make up on his face. Was it like this with my grandmother? I don't remember seeing that happening with my grandmother.

17 December 2007, Monday
Some buddhists came to chant some sutras, the family members and close relatives have to join in. His wife, daughters(and their family), daughter-in-law did not join in. The daughters are christians, the in-law was pregnant, the wife... I wondered if she couldn't get herself to do it, because she would be too sad. We went home around midnight again.

18 December 2007, Tuesday
Monks came to do the chanting, we were not required to chant along with them, but have to go along with the rituals. As usual, it was just his son and eldest grandson joining, with the closed relatives. His siblings are either dead, or too old to join in the kneeling. I stayed with my parents till around 2 am as my mother had to do the fruit hampers.

19 December 2007, Wednesday
This is the day when he will be sent to the temple and be reduced to ashes. We reached before 9 am, the ceremony started at 10 am. It began with the monks chanting, and we joined in the ritual, with more relatives joining us. This time round, the daughters stood by the side to watch, even though they cannot join in. The wife joined in the final part, when the family and those who joined in the ritual had to walk around the deceased's body.

This is the first time that the wife joined in, and the first time that I heard someone cry in the wake, first time I see her cry so sadly. So i guess she didn't join in previously because of this. The other person who cried quite badly was his second sister. While walking around, after the 2 old ladies showed their immense sadness, I saw my brother's face in pain. I was surprised to see that he was crying too. I kept telling myself to force my tears back. It was very hard. When we walked back to our original position, my tears did drop but i managed not to go as far as grimace.

It is sad to see someone die. It is even more sad to see someone you can relate to die. His death is sad, but not sad enough to bring me such pain. I think that it is normal to die, especially when one is old. I guess we all have preparations when we age, so it is nothing that shocking, though it will still be very painful to those closest ones. What pricked my heart was to see the wife crying. It was so painful.

We had to walk after the vehicle carrying the coffin for a distance. When we are about to start walking, the wife ran out, unable to see him leave just like that. Leaving her just like that after all those years. Relatives held her back, trying to console her. when we left for the temple, she did not come with us. I asked my mother if she came along, and my mother said, "No, if she had came along, she'll cry so hard that she'll faint." It was another round of chanting, and we walked around the body one last time. As I walked back, I saw her eldest daughter standing by the chairs. Her eyes were closed, I think she was praying. The ceremony ended with the coffin being sent to be burnt.

All this while, I only dropped a few tears. Death is a normal part of life. On the way back, in the bus, sitting beside my brother, I couldn't help but think about the wife who cried so hard, and the children trying so hard to be strong. I started shedding tears again. The emotions were so intense that I actually grimaced for a while. These tears are tears for the living, not for the dead.

--The Deceased--
He is my third granduncle. My grandfather's youngest brother. His wife used to take care of my brother and I during the day when my parents work. If I am right, it was from when i was in kindergarten till around 9 years old. They are a family of good people. They nurtured their kids well and the children are all doing very well. They are all happily married, and are all living good life. Although we are not as close as we used to (only representing myself and that family) ever since we stopped staying there after school till our parents end work and come to fetch us at night, I still like the family a lot, even if I do not show it. It really hurts to see my granduncle's wife in so much pain.

Depression

2007-10-17T20:32:00.000+08:00

Sharks... I think my depression is coming back. I'm starting to lose even more of my self-confidence. I can feel myself hunching back, going deeper... I can sense that I long more to be in the room.. I need to get hot water all the time, but it meant that i have to go out, walk past some doors to reach the pantry... and i am very unwilling to do so. It's a bother to keep asking my roomie to help me take hot water esp when i'm the one who wants it.

I really seriously doubt tt i can get through this sem. There's still so much to do before the end of sem, so many things to complete and submit as portfolio. I'm hopeless.. head-bangingly hopeless.. Sometimes I feel that I'm really on the verge of breaking down, crying my lungs out. It's the kind of feeling I had previously, from december to ard jan/feb. That same kind of feeling. I know this time is not as bad as that time, but still it's bad enough. Especially when i have so many things to do now.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP LOOKING AT ME! STOP TALKING ABT ME! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

I feel so much like spending the whole day on my bed

Line of the day

2007-10-08T02:48:00.000+08:00

Imaginations can make you so happy,
before reality pulls you back.

I've finished watching claymore.. seems like there's gonna be season 2. It's really cool, but the ending's a little too draggy.

Sin

2007-10-06T08:30:00.000+08:00

Eventful Friday... plagued with guilt. What have i been doing all this while when... -censored- ?

Claymore's really cool. Pure addiction. At episode 19 already... and it's been only 2 days.

Hi.story WAH

2007-10-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

Yes... i'm currently more into reading up on WAH. haha.. wahaha... WAH = Western Art History. Don't ask me why... it's interesting (lack of the word "very" because it's a module with hw, tests, grades and deadlines). :) Didn't read it since the first chapter... which is classical greek.. So i'm now reading hellenistic greek and roman empire... Interesting... Did my essay outline on the Altar of Zeus.

Because we don't learn history from greece, then rome and so on (not like those ang moh kids), it's pretty interesting to see bits and pieces of it in the art history textbook. It's like we're learning abt the general history while learning the art history... or, we learn it through art history... Cool huh... Anw, it's time i go back to art history :) It's like the only subject i feel like doing now... haiz... i'm buried in the pile of hw... and it's all because of my attitude...

*omg.. I actually checked it a few times! I can't believe it*

I give up

2007-10-02T20:20:00.000+08:00

Oh wow... I wanted to upload photographs but it seems rather hard using my mac.. hmm.. haha.. shall do it nx time then.. what a waste of time.. OH WOW... i just learnt that mac can only use html at blogger... AHHHHHH.. what is this? WHAT IS THIS?!

惊醒

2007-09-26T18:14:00.000+08:00

猛然发现，原来我还在乎。

虽然感觉的确是淡了，但是。。。我真的还是会在乎。

若是别人，我应该会不理会。但就因为是你。。。

是我多心吗？想想，若是好朋友的话，我也应该会像对你一般。但是，如果真是好朋友，就不需做你所做的事了，不是吗？总觉得你的那个行为代表着你并不是很在乎我。还是，我应该庆兴至少你还记得我呢？明知道我不认同你的某些行为，也知道你不是最终的那个人。但我就是会在乎。我想这就是最痛心的事吧。唉。。。

我拿不定主意

2007-09-20T04:12:00.000+08:00

舞蹈到底对我来说有多重要呢？我也常常想，想我到底跳得好不好。翘了这么多课，软度和感觉都退步了。但是，今天又重新拾回一些信心。我还在考虑，是否要参加南大的华族舞蹈团。我担心我心态不对，不是因为想跳而加入。一旦抱着这种心态，再怎么跳也不会高兴的。而且，老师教的方式并不是我习惯的方式。哎。。。我现在应该比较担心年底的舞蹈考试吧。加油啊！

曾几何时，想起你不再那么痛苦。我总觉得安慰，因为我知道你不是我在找的人。或许，一开始就知道了吧。

Life(less)

2007-09-11T03:25:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey hey hey.... so long nv blog le... i'm bored now, doing my accurate drawing of texture no. 1. haiz.... just a 5 cm drawing's taking forever. I can't imagine doing this for the rest of my 4 years here.. But then again, time flies like ZOOOOOOOM... while studying in NTU/ADM. So I guess I won't even realise by the time I graduate (if i can even pass this sem).

As usual, my attitude isn't helping me much. It's creating a pile of undone work to be done, and the pile is never going down... it's climbing higher and higher after each tutorial and lecture. Yes, I'm talking about my "bo-chap" attitude, which if you are close enough, you would know. Hahaha.. I need to CHANGE!!!

Life's been hard in a different sense ever since school has started. It's a different kind of "difficult" from working. I'm kinda out of touch and even worse, I don't have art background to help me out. To put it simply, I'm not good at what i'm doing now and I'm not working hard to reach my goals. At least back in jc, math was my forte and it's alright to skip lessons and not do tutorials. It's a total different case here now!! It's quite stressful when your fellow ADMers have art background. Well, not all of them, at least MOST of them. Eeks..

Even worse news? I'm falling sick again!!! This is the second time within a month! I haven't recovered from the last time, still coughing a little, and now everything's back! The sorethroat, the flu, and yes... the SNEEZING! I've been sneezing like mad.. Giving my table and the things on top a shower of saliva (and on some unfortunate occasions, some mucus as well). Haha... I hope this time I don't pass it to my roomie again. And I keep feeling so sleepy.. even when i get enough sleep. More than enough, in fact. I've been resting a lot during the weekend. Resting TOO MUCH!!

I wanna join Archery Club :( Went for the one-day-beginners'-class a few weeks ago, and they asked me to go for the selection, but I can't. All because of dance! Haiz... i've sacrificed so much for dance that sometimes I really feel like quitting it, stop dancing once and for all. But i'm not dumb enough to do that. I know i'll regret. I want to finish it. Just one more grade after this year and i'm done! But the timing sucks! Can't they change it?! Haiz... Archery's practice clashes with dance practice and 3 absence from Archery practice = out of school team. :( Wonder if i can still go for selection nx sem coz dance exam is end of this yr. HOPE!! HOPE!!!

Very much NOLIFE now... haiz...

Back to school

2007-08-03T03:28:00.000+08:00

Oh wow.. how time flies. I'm back to school. =/

I have lessons every day(meaning monday to friday)! And wow i take 6 subjects! What's worrying is that my lessons begin at 9 each day except friday. How am I going to wake up?! My dear friend/roommate will have to wake me up eventually :P SO UNFAIR! Her lessons start at 10.30 earliest!! :((

K I'll be staying in Hall 11, any nice ppl you know staying there can intro me, then at least i'll have frenz :) Eh... went to clean up e place just now, and realised that we can't open our windows coz the window pane is locked and has net. The key's stuck and can't be used. o.O So we'll have to talk to the hall office tomorrow... Oh which is later!!

I've to reach school before 10 tmr!! Orientation starts at 10!! AHHHHH!!! How to wake up lorz.. it's like a 1 hour journey, excluding the time I'll spend finding my way. :S Eeks! I hope there won't be any awkward games.. oh and i hope that e buffet lunch'll be delicious :D

Ok i'll update again... I won't be getting a laptop soon :( which is sad..

yesterdays, today, and tomorrows

2007-06-29T03:00:00.000+08:00

醒来时的回忆，又一次的遗憾...
感觉淡了，眼泪也不再伴随。
这是好事！:)

Alright, and for today... Actually I searched for blogskins, and found sth simple that I quite like, then realised that it doesn't have "archives" in it. So I dumped it and just took one of the blogger's one. Too lazy to create e links and all so I shall do it nx time.

As you can see, my blog title has changed, from "black days" to "batch no.:24051988". Haha... and i'm made in singapore! Just thought I'd have a change.

Haven't been blogging often and I guess not many ppl visit my blog now. I mean, in the first place, there hasn't been a crowd, and now it's just worse =S Thought I'll just post sth here, as an update? Yeah...

Anyways, what had i been doing so far? I started working a few days aft my birthday, as a waitress at coffee club (introduced by piggy). Need a part time job so that I can continue to work even when school starts. I need money for hostel fees, and whatever other fees there will be. So, yeah... I'm waitressing. Not that there's nothing interesting to talk about my job... in fact, there's a lot of things to talk abt, but I just think that it's really inappropriate to talk abt work here. So... we can talk abt it in private :P

Oh I'm so excited abt Uni!! But not going for e orientation camps coz I'm too lazy, and anti-social, and not spontaneous and whatever other excuses you can think of. I'm excited abt living in the halls, oh and I'll be sharing a room with piggy. :D I think we'll have disagreements as we get to know each other better, but she's such a nice person, so easy to get along with... so bully-able. muahahaha.... Uni's starting on the 6th of August. :) :) :) :) :)

I'm currently waiting for PAY DAY!! But no, don't ask me to give you a treat or buy you stuff, coz I need the money, and I really don't earn much!

On my birthday

2007-05-25T21:25:00.000+08:00

Went out with piggy and baldy on my birthday. And we took a neoprint, almost totally copied what the jap models demonstrated on the screen... that explains why we have so many stupid poses. Hahaha... Anw, here are the neoprints, those with me. :D

Out of coma for a while

2007-05-22T00:20:00.000+08:00

Well, doing this especially for Mel :D She asked me to "blog more larr" with the double 'R', yes. Visited her blog and saw her birthday wishlist. I have a birthday wishlist myself, it's in the green sketchbook... Had been thinking if i should put it up, but decided not to, coz it's so bhb. But after reading mel's blog, I thought I should coz she seems keen to get me a present. Hahaha.... just kidding. Anw, I do have quite a list, but I shall just mention a few here... those few that are more affordable, unlike the wacom tablet and the inline-skates.

I want...

1. Colour Pencils -- Not just those cheap colour pencils. I want the soft kind, in the metal case with the price tag that made me put them back. Haha... So i want soft colour pencils AND water-soluble colour pencils. They're not cheap, but affordable still (hint: you can always share a present among a group)

2. More sketchbooks -- Coz I just want them. I want more etcetra books too for future notetaking in Uni. :) Or that brown leather-like book that can be found in kinokuniya :D

3. One Piece Colorwalk 2 -- Not sure if it's still available coz it's not new

4. Other art stuff eg. copic markers, different types of colour/fabric in different colours (for collage) oh and adhesive materials for collage too, white glue would be nice :)

Yep... that's the more affordable ones. 1 and 3 are both 20 bucks actually. 2 and 4 are more flexible. Erm... If you really think that you're rich enough to go for the above $50, I won't mind having some art-related books that are always so expensive. If you have no money, broke and penniless like me, a birthday wish via SMS or even better, a DIY birthday card would be very much appreciated.

I'm going to be officially 19 soon... a year has passed. This year should be a happier but less eventful birthday, i think. Last year's was like... extremely disastrous, one of my saddest birthdays ever and yet a very happy and fun one with my friends :D

I'm now worrying about what to draw for Mr. Poh. Haven't started and his birthday is 2 days aft mine! And he'll book out on that day. oi brother, sorry if e present's not ready orh!

The book of memories

2007-04-10T01:55:00.000+08:00

The second book of memories is nearly filled.
18 pages left.
Can you imagine?
It seems just like yesterday, the emotions vivid.
I feel stupid all over again. Why don't I learn?
I cried. I actually cried... pathetic tears.
What can they bring me? More sorrows, that's all.
Everything you've said seems to make me think a lot, hope for a lot.
It's all for nothing. Everything's for nothing.
I shouldn't be chasing for this hope that's outta reach.
Do I really care? Do I really want it?
Or am I just lost from the previous journey?

Believe - Yamaguchi Yuko

寂しくて言葉も出ないこんな夜は
Sabishikute kotoba mo denai konna yoru wa
君の笑顔抱きしめ眠ろう humm
Kimi no egao dakishime nemuroo humm
ふたりならどしゃ降りの雨凍える朝
Futari nara doshaburi no ame kooeru asa
手をつないできっと歩けるそばで
Te wo tsunaide kitto arukeru soba de
I believe 消えかけたあの日の夢
I believe kiekaketa ano hi no yume
いつでも手をかざし守る
Itsu demo te wo kazashi mamoru
忘れない
Wasurenai

When I'm feeling small
When it's cold outside
I don't know who I should believe
And when I needed someone special just by my side
Who was there?
I believe… someday I will love
Someone who's by my side
Oh someday
My special one will come along
I'll pray everyday

I believe 消えかけたあの日の夢
I believe kiekaketa ano hi no yume
いつでも手をかざし守る
Itsu demo te wo kazashi mamoru
So I believe もしも風に
So I believe moshimo kaze ni
ふるえている時は
furuete iru toki wa
二人で探そう日の射す場所
Futari sagasoo hi no sasu basho

Someday I will love
Someone who's by my side
Oh someday oh someday
I keep on praying everyday

Don't mess with me

2007-04-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

My friend told me that I have the "Don't mess with me" look, which she wants. Actually, she's not the only one who tells me that. Is this good or is this bad? If you were given a choice, would you choose to have this kind of look?

The good thing about it is that it is rather unlikely that people would wanna bully me, and I would never be pestered (not with my looks anyway xD). Haha... The bad thing is that the first impression I give others is "unfriendly", or some say "dao". So basically, the good thing, and the bad thing about the "Don't mess with me" look is that I don't look approachable. Hmm.... haha

Anyway, went to NTU again to take the faculty test. Kinda scary... quite a number of people, should be more than 200, and I didn't really get to finish the paper. Sigh... The last question looks so empty, I mean my answer. I saw a lot of innovians, but I'm not close to them so never say hi. Haha... Sigh, now's the agonising waiting time for the letters to come.

Pray hard!!

没意思的一天

2007-04-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

你这是什么意思啊？

没意思。

没意思的一天，让我觉得我好愚蠢。或许以上对你来说很莫名其妙，又奇怪得好笑。。。但是，对我来说，那是如此之沉重的呀！我本来就知道没意思，为什么却还要自欺欺人呢？

明天还得考试，我哪有心情哪！你们就绕了我吧！唉。。。

哎。。。

2007-04-04T21:33:00.000+08:00

关于台湾偶像剧。。。

有些真的很白痴，有些真的拖很久。有些白痴的很可爱，虽然笨笨的，却也很简单。有时候，明知道看了回想起别的事情，但仍会想去看，仍会想要边看，边想，边哭。哭得我眼睛都累了，袖子也湿了。我刚看完的是《恶作剧之吻》，就是那部把林依晨搞得很白痴的那部。哈哈。。。她在戏里真的很白痴。虽然大家都觉得她笨笨的，但是你们知道吗？戏里的湘琴，就是我羡慕的人的一种。哪一种吗？思想单纯的哪一种。

我羡慕思想单纯的人。他们不会有心机，世界对他们来说，也没那么丑陋。生活是如此的简单，快乐。

我害怕再找到一个我喜欢的人，但又迫不及待的等待着未来的日子。其实，我不介意独自一个人生活，但有时候，有个人陪你走过一段路也是好的。

为什么我们要把生活搞得如此复杂呢？为什么“喜欢”跟“爱”其实是那么美丽，那么温馨的字眼，但在现实生活中却总是比较痛呢？为什么，都已经圆满大结局了，泪水却。。。

迷

2007-03-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

无缘

谢谢你不理我

看不见的伤口原来并未痊愈，而只是看不见了。
被撒了盐后，原来仍是那么痛。

我并非自己想象的坚强，但我仍想象我是坚强的。
因为，这或许真会让我学会变得更坚强。

小小的微笑

Suddenly... relapse?

2007-02-26T00:33:00.000+08:00

沉默...
并非无所谓
而是无可奈何

为什么明知毫无结果，却仍想博一博。
我到现在，似乎还未完全的找回自己。
只能对自己说声加油了。

这是我重新拥抱“多愁善感”的象征吗？

Am so addicted to Hana kimi now :P also addicted to the songs, esp the 2 songs by tank.
Waiting for the next episode to come out on youtube!!

Yet another attack

2007-02-21T22:25:00.000+08:00

Split-eyed monster alert!! Split-eyed monster alert!! As usual, the monster left some barang barang to prevent us from closing before it is back. And as usual, the monster is ridiculous. How can monsters not be ridiculous anyway. It showed its fangs to another victim today as I cowardly escaped and backed into the bushes. Felt sorry for the victim but was impressed as the victim wasn't scared away by the fangs.

*A round of applause please*

But the victim called for help quietly. Once i got the message, I turned on the "Split-eyed Monster Alert" and 2 villagers came to help. Seeing more people, what's more, 2 who are stronger and slightly armed, the monster was less ferocious (but it's still ridiculous). Luckily, we managed to chase the monster away from our village and perhaps back into its cave before sun set, so all the other villagers can wander safely about the village when night falls.

Erm, is this considered chapter 2 of the "Slaying of the Split-eyed Monster"?

When's results coming out, anyone?

attack!

2007-02-15T18:58:00.000+08:00

I was attacked by the split-eye monster. Previously, I thought it's an okay monster, but it turned out to be a really horrible monster. This split-eye monster never comes at the right time, dragging the time I go home. I ran away from the split-eye monster although I really REALLY wish to kick its ass, because I have no choice but to run from the monster. I wasn't armed, and was unable to protect myself, that's why.

URGGHHH!!! smack smack smack smack smack!!!

deviantart

2007-02-15T00:22:00.000+08:00

So happy!! I officially joined deviantart some time ago, and started submitting deviations too. What am I excited about? COMMENTS!! There are actually people commenting! YEAH! Not many, but at least got comments. Good enough, hee... What's more, the drawing i gave chaky was being downloaded and the person requested for a bigger file, to see the details. The same person also favourited my "carefree" (to view this piece, check my drawing blog :P). So, so happy!! EEEEEEEeeeee... hahaha... k, time to sleep, working tomorrow again.

OH! I was late for work today, eeks!

No life

2007-02-12T21:26:00.000+08:00

This blog is dead, yes this blog is dead. I'm merely trying to make the heart pump a little with this pathetic filler entry. Haha... k larz, to update a little more about me.

I'm still working at MOM, just got my pay recently but no point asking me to give you a treat or anything like that coz they're almost all gone! Eeks! The rest of the money would be my food allowance this month. Sigh... I still want to buy a pair of roller blades and a new bottle of perfume for me to "pen xiang xiang" :) Sigh... It's erm, around, 25 more days to the next pay day? Haha.... bet it'll be gone soon too.

What did i spend my jan pay on? 80 to my dance fees, 100 to hospital fees, 50 to a bag, 20 to a wallet, 109 to zara (:P), near 30 to IP zone, and of course food and more food. :) No idea how much I spend on food, just keep eating when i'm hungry and stop when i'm full or when i've empty pockets.

Added 1 new colour to my nail polish last month, a deep red. Love it! Recently added 2 new ones too, one dark flesh tone and one purplish glitter, which i can only see the glitter. Haha... Not so nice to use for the whole nail so I guess I'm only gonna touch that in the future when i've more things to play with in that collection. :D Also a new eyeliner, and eyeshadows in earth tone! YEAH! My new year colour is brown. Got 2 sets of clothes in brown, 1 pair of new shoes in light brown and a pair of untouched shoes found in the cabinet in dark brown. Yep, so that new bag i bought is white and brown and the new wallet is light brown too! What a coincidence! Oh well. :D

I wanna buy paint, but no money left. My allowance would still be a little dependent on my coming ang pao money. Anyone wanna make donations?! *grins*

I "can't wait" for the results to be out, how nice it'll be to spoil the new year. -_-"

where am i

2007-01-23T18:40:00.000+08:00

Hello ppl, sorry for my disappearing act. Not that you all care though. Haha... I've been working larz. since 8th jan. Too tired to blog when i'm home and I was addicted to this new american series called "House", so I had been watching "House" whenever i'm free. =) For those who do care, the next question would be what am i working as... I'm working as an e-service warden at Ministry of Manpower (MOM) now. Basically, we're supposed to guide customers on the various e-services we provide, such as online application for work permit. Yup.. basically. Actually, that should be all for this job. HOWEVER, customers ask us all sorts of questions so we have to try our best to answer them. So, what happens is that we'll be walking around a lot from our e-service lobby to the information counter to ask questions on behalf of our customers. What's bad about this job now, we're short of people, and sometimes, every terminal needs help. At these times, the 2 ppl there will be running around doing all the stuff for them and making other customers wait.

Well, some customers are really nice, very understanding and patient, while some others are not as patient but we just assume that they've tried their best. What I don't like is the extremely strong cigarette smell we have to put up with at times as some of our customers are smokers. Felicia will cough to death there arh. :P I nearly fainted one day when I had an extremely sensitive nose. Haha... Anyway, visit me when you're free larz

Currently, right now, at this very moment, I wanna go PS to buy new shoes. But i promised my mum to stay for dinner so I'll see if i'm gonna be un-lazy. Haha... I really wanna buy new shoes.

Sense of relief

2007-01-02T02:49:00.000+08:00

The truth was revealed last night, near the end of the end of 2006 and the start of the start of 2007. Yep... Shall cut the story short though there are really a lot of things going on inside which i would like to dump here. No happy ending, heh heh... but at least I've one less thing to ponder on :) And of course, I feel smarter now xD From now, I'm going to gradually bid the silly me farewell, till the next person comes into the picture to make me a silly girl again. :P

I shan't lie and say that I'm not sad. I am sad, but I'm alright. Everything's fine... I'd rather have this than to stay in the agonising fogged world. So, don't worry about me, I'll be fine. *wink*

Oh, and thanks to all those ppl I've talked to, really helped... alright, kinda helped. haha... Just kidding... xD Love you people! Special thanks to pig for being there to help, and offering to come over to my place in the rain. Haha.. although that was meant as a joke, I know you care :) Really appreciate that you wanted to console me, to cheer me up, although I stopped you halfway from consoling me. :P Thanks to him for being truthful and straightforward, and for the attempt to make me feel better (or less dreadful. haha).

I'm a day late in saying this but, whatever.. Happy New Year peeps! :)

The future source of laughter

2006-12-31T18:38:00.000+08:00

I feel like crying, so hopeless.... haha.
I love the walk home from great world city, quiet...
Just now, while walking back, I felt so much like crying...
just so I can get rid of the unhappy monster living inside me currently.
It's time I realise that there isn't hope, it's time...
and it's time I give up gracefully and stop feeling so useless and stupid.

My last decision was to wait till I hear from him,
but it never came, and it will never come.
I know it, this time, I'm dead sure...
It's the "now or never" kind of thing.
It's the last day of the year... nothing came...
No more speculation, no more...

It's not easy getting out even if you know that you'll get nothing staying inside.
I guess that's the hard part that we all have to learn the hard way.
But, learning doesn't mean you'll be able to get out of it. Ha...
Perhaps I should move on with my plan and just spit it all out,
then wait for the harsh words to come,
the harsh words that i need to hear in order to wake up.

I can only console myself,
"All these things I'm experiencing now will be a source of laughter in the future. I'll just look back at these stupid times and chuckle!"

Gorie Cup 2006

2006-12-26T22:50:00.001+08:00

This group is the champion, and you can see why they won the Gorie Cup. Amazing, aren't they? :D How i wish I had the chance to learn all these stunts when I was their age. Now I'm kinda rusty and don't really dare to flip aroudn anymore. :P Except Cartwheels.

Oh and of course, they're all so cute!! kawaii!! ^^

Heather Martin - When Are You Coming Home

2006-12-26T16:19:00.001+08:00

Found this video from Youtube.com, and it made me cry. I wonder if the little girl knows what she's singing, does she still remember the times she had with her big brother?

"War" sounds like history to me, but in fact it's still around. When will it really be called history?

A rather happy christmas with a bit of sadness

2006-12-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

Was I too late?
Did I miss it by just a fraction of a second?
Or has nothing happened at all?

There's a clique gathering coming up, but I don't feel like attending. Kinda bad of me, but well.. just don't feel like it. There's a cca gathering this weekend, and I don't feel like attending that either. Sigh... what's the point? I'm not really attached to the club, it's like a 35 min ride there, or more since I most prob will go from the dance studio. But i need and want to pass christmas cards to my friends, whom I most probably won't get to meet since they're not exactly in my clique. I've to pay for it, and I've to wear my uniform, on a saturday? sigh... it's alright if i get to choose my seat, then i can sit with ppl i know, but if we've no choice but to sit in our own dept, erm... Hmm... A few hours ago, I've just decided to go for the gathering and now, I'm wondering abt my choice. We'll see. Perhaps till the time I've finally made a decision, it's too late to decide, so save me the trouble :D

Got some expected cards and gifts, and some unexpected cards. :D It's quite a happy christmas, with several dates and gatherings, and of course lotsa laughter... oh, and lotsa rain! Haha... It would've been a really great christmas if certain things were in place. Well, that's just too bad.

Things hadn't been as good as I would've preferred, and it got a lil worse since some time ago, when I kinda got reminded of a thing that had bothered me for quite some time all because of a stupid dream that's actually really nice (except for the after-effects). Dreams are just dreams, the sad part about them is that they are just dreams! Haha... Some people say that dreams are the opposite of reality, so if that's true, I should just bang my head on the wall hard enough to make myself less stupid.

Why must that dream come at this point of time?! It made my life worse! WORSE!! URGHHH... I'm looking forward to a day, which I actually am kinda scared of it coming my way. Haha... sounds like the day we get back our 'A' lvls results. :p Well, yeah, that is one of the days that are so, but this day I'm talking about is different, but similar. It's kinda like an indication too, or perhaps a last verdict. Haha... AHHHH!!

I've enjoyed all my christmas presents, except this very one I got from my grandaunt right on Christmas itself! It's bloody! Oops... and painful... and just makes me feel even more sad if i'm sad already. Make a guess. :P

Dream

2006-12-24T02:53:00.000+08:00

I had a dream last night, a rather good dream. Well, it sounds great doesn't it, but the after-effects weren't that magnificent. It's not till the extent of pain, but it just isn't nice. Anyway, while trying to find lyrics for "dream a little dream of me", I ended up interpreting that dream online. *chuckles*

To get your dream interpreted online, it's not that easy. They have symbols and it's kinda complicated. But well, I looked through some of them and squeezed out several keywords from my dream to be interpreted as symbols. I'm gonna put up some of the keywords found in my dream and what they symbolise:

Friend(s) - Joy and consolation. Aspect of self ready for integration.
Night - Darkness. There is a mystery that I want to penetrate.
Rain - Release. Feelings pouring down on me.
Road - achievement of sth. Direction. Life's path.
Smiling - Looking for something that makes me happy
Stairs -Aspirations .Looking to get to certain point against all opposition.
Vehicle - Looking for a medium to get where I want to be.
Walking - Freedom. Movement. Ask yourself where do you want to go.

Yeah.. these are the ones i can draw from my dream. So, basically, many of them are regarding me finding something, and what I want to do etc. Hmmm... Well, I won't totally trust these things, but it's fun do it xD though you might think it's quite a waste of time. haha...

Anyway, I am currently addicted to Jamie Cullum's version of "Lover, You Should've Come Over". It's one of those unforgettable love songs. :)

Here's my webby!

2006-12-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

Hi peeps! ^^ I'm happy coz I got to watch my Eragon just now, BIG SCREEN!! Nope, not the biggest one in vivo, but still... :) It's nice, but as all movies ripped from books are, some parts are shortened, and I do mean shortened. Some other parts are changed, like how that old rider died. Well, the movie moves a lot faster than the book, and I'll say that both are nice :) Oh and Christopher Paolini's a damn rich young fella now. *chuckles*

And I remember my other blog add now :) it's HERE! <-- click pls

The webby add should be quite easy to remember, and I'll add a link in my list of links so don't worry if you miss that. Hahaha.. I'll make sure I force all of you to visit my other blog, and post comments!! :P Erm, please just show some support! thanks!

Hurt my pinky today, it bled :(

Singapore Indoor Stadium

2006-12-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

Went to Singapore Indoor Stadium for the first time in my life last evening to watch "Sound of a Thousand Years" organised by the buddhists in Singapore to commemorate something, which I'm not certain what and shall not try to speak of it here as I might say it wrongly and that won't be nice. Haha... Anyway, I went in my mum's place, and Mr Lee Kuan Yew went too! Amazing to see him. :) They invited a performing group from China that is really famous and had performed in about 50 countries and had won several prizes. The dancers are handicapped. Some lost their limbs, some are deaf, but the performance was fantastic! The Singapore Chinese Orchestra performed several pieces too, along with a female soprano, joi chua, a group of monks, and a choir which consists of people from Shanghai, NUS, TPJC, MJC and I think AJC. And a children choir from a buddhist primary school. :)

Please forgive me, I'm gonna talk more about the dance :D I've watched them dancing on YouTube.com before, and had wondered how they managed to be hitting the beats so nicely when they're deaf. Yesterday, I learnt that there are 2 helpers at 2 different corners of the stage, directing them with hand signals. Just watching these 2 helpers is pretty amazing too. Haha... It's not an easy feat to dance without listening to the music, yet to be in sync. I'm really impressed by the whole outcome though I have to say that I was pretty disappointed that the female dancers didn't really get to show off the flexibility and do stunts. But again, they're not really professional dancers. With their body language and facial expressions, it's already extraordinary. As a dancer myself, I can't help but be awed by the magnificence and by the will power of these beautiful young ladies and handsome young men! Mind you, they are really a group of beautiful people, especially the ladies.

For the “千手观音”(qian shou guan yin), they've generally captured the style of dancing. If I'm right, that dance is considered as 敦煌 (dun huang), which is a really tough kind of chinese dance. Not my favourite type of dance to dance, but it's extraordinary to watch it :) The group pulled 2 more dances too. In one of the dance, the male dancers awed me with the uncountable number of open-legged jumps they did. Haha.. i don't know what that jump's called. Anyway, they are really amazing!! I can't ask you to watch the performance coz it was only for a night. Yep. But you can watch the qian shou guan yin on YouTube.com :)

Oh, and the Indoor Stadium isn't that big either. Cheh!

Ah, talking about dance. Something not very nice is going on. Hahaha... now that i'm back to dancing weekly, i mean only for the normal dance lessons. Now that I'm school-less, with no need to worry about exams (hopefully "yet") and currently jobless, my dance instructor's trying to pull me back to the troupe and not just go for normal lessons. :P Oops.. but I've made up my mind not to go already, and it's 9 in the morning! no, no... Haha... Oh, something really bad happened too. I realised today during dance that I kinda pulled my muscle or vein on my left thigh. Can't even do a split after warming up, and there's a painful spot! Eeks! Hope that it'll be fine, dun really wanna go for acupuncture. And while I suffer from an injury, I realised that the other girl sprained her ankle, someone else had an injury for about a year, another one juz got herself injured again, and another... bah.. everyone of us is injured. Haha.. I guess that's what we can't avoid.

*Eragon tomorrow!! YAY!! Finally got to watch it :)*

New blog

2006-12-14T23:45:00.000+08:00

Heh.. i created a new blog, specially for my drawing stuff. So, i guess the drawing stuff's not gonna appear here bah. :) err.. forgot the URL le.. tell you all some other time :P

My silent cry for help

2006-12-12T22:09:00.000+08:00

"Help!" I cried, "Help me!"

I realised that I've been silently crying for help all this while,
Even though I know that no one could hear me.

Placing my cheeks against the pillow wet with tears,
and no, I did not sleep just like that.
I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling,
turning occasionally with my eyes tightly closed.
All the nights, I've been forcing myself to sleep before dawn.
All the nights, I just couldn't get myself to do that.

Don't be silly, this is not about him. For this once, I'm sure it's not about him.
Or at least, it's not just about him and he doesn't play a big role either...
It's just me.

Going through the same routine
day after day, night after night......
Gradually, I realised that I'm ill.

I'm so afraid... so afraid, but no one knows!
No one will realise the fear growing inside me until I tell them.

I'm not dumb enough to seek death, it's too dumb,
yet I'm dumb enough to lock myself in the toilet, crying...

I've not managed to find the reason for my being ill,
but I guess the best thing to do now is to stop thinking about it,
which is very hard.

"Short"

2006-12-10T21:06:00.000+08:00

Just watched the documentary called "Short". Well you see, my family's relatively tall for East Asians so we don't understand how short people feel. Wah.. that sounds kinda mean. Anyway, I planned to watch it coz it seems interesting and yeah, it proved to be interesting. And you people who think that you're short, be thankful! You know how short is short? There's the 1% population with people around the height of 130 cm when they're 14, and mind you, they're guys! And I've been complaining about the 3 cm that I need to reach my dream height!

It seems like height matters more to guys, I mean, height issues are more important when talking about guys. There's this kinda typical situation where girls like tall guys and guys like shorter girls, I'm not saying everyone of course. Guys are supposed to be the strong figures who support and protect, and height seems to be an area of concern here. Well, as a female, I do admit that I look at guys height too. Haha.. and for my height (which is considered tall in Asia), height matters A LOT!! Which is kinda sad coz guys in Singapore are kinda short. Haha... The average height is above 170, taller than me but doesn't seem to be tall enough. Well, but i guess that's just an ideal since *ahem* someone's not that tall anyway! Haha...

Now a question for the girls, will you be able to date someone shorter than you? And I don't mean like 3 cm shorter, I mean like, 10 cm shorter kinda shorter. Will you be able to do that? Okay, erm.. you might think it impossible to find a guy that short, oops! hahaha.. but just imagine. For me, I doubt it'll be easy to do such a thing. Not looking down on short guys since it's really the inner self that matters more, but I doubt I can say that I will date a guy shorter than me. Is this considered as discrimination?

People like to be tall, why? Since I was a little kid, it seems like we're always competing to see who's the tallest, who's grown taller etc And several kids like me would be envied coz of our height. Is is really good to be tall? Well, statistics have proven that tall people on average get a higher pay than the average height people. Heh! Sounds great to me. Especially in business, tall people seem to have a certain advantage. But what's bad about being tall? I can list a few, I guess:

1. You just stick out (which can be good or bad, depending on situations)
2. Sometimes if you're not careful, you'll be attacked by all sorts of things hanging eg. branches, advertising boards, or the ring handle in trains.
3. In many situations, you either have to bend your knees or bend your body more than usual (like when you're taking pictures with friends). And guess what, for a dancer like me, I have to bend a lot lower than usual for some actions because we need to be in sync! Which means, more work for me to do!

Erm... can't think of much now, and don't feel like typing anymore. Oh one update about me, I've got muscleaches and they really ACHE!! Eeks! Having muscleaches really make you realise how much work you're putting on your different muscles in simple actions such as getting yourself up in the morning and out of your bed, or just sitting on the toilet bowl and standing up after you're done.

原来爱情这么伤

2006-12-06T22:14:00.000+08:00

最近迷上了梁咏琪的新歌《原来爱情这么伤》。歌词非常有意思，也很贴切。若你还未听过这一首歌，不妨上网找找。

原来爱情这么伤，比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话幸福躲起来不声不响

歌词中是这么说道。这令我有很多感触，蛮有感染力的。的确比想象中还难！但是，泪水不再不听话，或许早已习惯了吧。幸福就想歌词里说的，根本就找不到了。

太多道理太牵强道理全是一样
说的时候很简单爱上后却正巧打乱

我想大家对这一段也有同感吧。大道理说了很多，但当自己陷进去时，却什么都不会了。

。。。那一天不会到来吧。。。

Prom Night

2006-12-06T04:07:00.000+08:00

Just came back from prom! Ok, not exactly "just". Haha... went to Balcony with frenz, and then did some things at home before coming online :P Well, I'm here to post prom pictures! Heh heh.. the quality not very good coz once again, I used my phone to take pictures... Everyone looks so stunning and our dear Charleston had the honour to sit with 9 girls in our table. Haha... With my 3 inches high heels, I finally got the chance to hit my dream height!! Well, beyond it, in fact. YAA!! Heh heh... but yeah, quite painful larz, after walking for so long.

Well, I wore a teal short spag dress that's quite nice, and a black jacket which i like a lot... both from Forever 21 :) 3 inches high heels from Bata, accessories from mum's stocks (heh heh.. so convenient) and that same black bag i used last time. With my black jacket, I thought I looked more formal, less revealing (though there's nothing much to reveal :P), and less sexy (even though I believe that sexiness can't be blocked by clothes)... but several people actually told me that I look sexy. =_= Hmmm... ok, that came as a surprise. Haha...

And that stupid ming yuan, she went larz! LIAR!! haha.. she messaged to say tt she's not going and even though i was suspecting something else, I believed her in the end. Well, but I have to say that I'm glad she went. :) She looks pretty as usual. Mel and Liaw look young and the young kind of cute, haha... Eileen looks sexy, only if she removes the shawl... I've been thinking of evil schemes to reveal her cleavage lorz.. haha.. :P Xiaowei looks soooooooooo cute!! goodness!! so cute!! haha.. that's all i have to say for her whole look. SO CUTE!! ^^ and Kai Li looks a little gothic, the softer kind. Cindy, looks like a bridesmaid... coz she's dressed in white. The only guy in our table, Charleston, looks charming. He's not what i would call handsome but yeah, he does look charming bah :) Sufie crowned as prom queen!!! So happy for her.. so proud tt she's in A31! She's in a white gown, the puffy kind. Filzah looks so sexy in her red gown. :D Iman, cowboy with his red scarf. Haha... he's goofy as usual bah. Ja didn't come, neither did Jo.

Erm... oh ya. I wanted to talk abt what happened before Prom. I went to do my hair, and i was in my green sweater and shorts. haha.. with my prom hair. Oh my. So off can! I was so glad it was raining coz at least i got an umbrella to cover my head, or rather cover my view so I won't see all the eyes darting to my weird outfit. Haha.. so I walked in orchard like that! So weird larz, and so paiseh... Finally I reached my mum's place and got dressed and she helped me with the make up. Phew... I guess all those paiseh moments on the street's worth it bah. Haha..

OH! And i went to the wrong hotel! Well, my dad drove me there, and i just got off even though I felt weird. Coz my friends told me it's at clarke quay but I was at city hall!! haha.. I saw an innovian and took cab with her. So funny. What's worse? The taxi driver doesn't know the way. =_= So we walked there from MOM. Was like so damn late already larz, yet so many people were outside standing, taking pictures and all. Hahaha.. so we weren't late even though we were late. Heh? hahaha...

Went to the balcony and even though all my friends strongly encouraged me to take cab home, I decided to walk home. haha... It was almost 2 am and I walked just like that. Well actually I quite enjoy walking, especially when it's all quiet. :) If it wasn't for the killer heels, I would have totally enjoyed the walk home. I still enjoyed it though, just not totally. Heh heh... And I finally got to take a picture of something that I've always wanted to take!! How come I only took it just now? Coz it's weird to take the picture when there are ppl around looking. haha... So happY!! But i didn't dare to move too close coz it's pitch black beside that pillar, where the walkway leads to an old building.

K finally, the pictures! :D Not all of them though, just some of them. :)

new drawings =]

2006-12-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

Heh.. So i've been drawing a little here and there and here's the outcome!! Erm... ya. This one is another of my mad drawing. Hope tt you'll like it =) And ya.. i know, it looks kinda incomplete coz that twirly thingy's only at one corner.. a bit lazy to draw another one since it's quite experimental. haha..

Erm.. this one here is supposed to be a sketch of sth i saw online.. i completed it today but the picture's not taken yet.. so this is the incomplete version. Hmm... After completing it, I am really not satisfied.. and I realised that shadows are hard stuff. *sigh* I still think that the completed version is somewhat ugly. Haiz.. so ugly that I don't dare to show you the original picture i saw online. Haha.. That lady is very pretty leh.

The eyes had problem, the angle of the nose has problem, the shadow from the side of the lip to her face has A LOT of problem, her left nostril was somewhat problematic too.. AHHHHH~ It was an interesting experience... And i drew while listening to Enya in the evening, nearly fell asleep while shading. xD

I guess I have A LOT of work to do. *sigh* It's still kinda hard to reach "a life sketch a day". And tomorrow's back to dancing... Haiz.. wonder how i'm gonna survive in dance after so long. Eeks! Erm.. Let's hope that i'll come back alive tomorrow. And that I'll wake up early enough to meet up with yuan yuan!! Ha..

waiting for nothing

2006-11-30T17:25:00.000+08:00

I've been waiting.... for nothing.
I am still waiting, even though i know it's still nothing.
Once the nothing is something, I won't have to wait,
And once the nothing is no longer there, I will stop waiting.
I'm typing all these... for nothing.
In other words,
Because there is nothing, that's why I'm typing these.

Bwahahahaha!!! That's the madness of me for now. One day the line "I am waiting" came into my mind and it's supposed to be said in the irritated tone. yeah.. Last night 2 am, I was watching this jap movie abt ninjas, not bad, quite nice... and funny. haha..

你会陪我一起打雪仗吗？

Pictures from biennale

2006-11-29T15:21:00.000+08:00

randomness from insomnia

2006-11-24T03:05:00.000+08:00

It sure seems like now that we've graduated from jc and temporarily (or permanently) will not be experiencing life as a student (or undergraduate for that matter), there isn't much to blog about. Life's been losing its colour though I'm sure that once I stop this slacker way of life, the colours would be back. Hmm... it's kinda contradicting isn't it, that i'm actually blogging now about how I don't blog as often. Haha... I just felt like slotting in an entry.

Well, it's not that I don't feel anything recently... it's just that all the uncertainties, worries, fears, and whatsoevers are already part of my daily life, such that they are not so special anymore. Anyway, nothing special has been happening, regardless of how much I wish for it. Growing 3 cm overnight could have made my day, or week, or month... but this'll never come (naturally). Oh well, I guess I should give up that 3 cm.

Life's been kinda bad recently though I've gained freedom for quite some time already. Hmm... Of course, the not-so-good side of love has constantly been absorbing my happiness, but now, I seem to be getting minor headaches every now and then. Perhaps this has something to do with my unhealthy way of life, which I suppose GK would know. Haha... I've been sleeping late, or if you would prefer, very early. Hmm.. well, between 4 to 5 am, to be more precise. If that isn't weird enough, read on... I stay awake not because I have things to do.. not because I'm addicted to games or just can't detach myself from "Prince of Tennis" anime on YouTube.com. I can just sit on the sofa in the living room, staring into space, listening to silence... Occasionally, I'll look out of through the balcony, staring at the usually black road which now has an orange tint to it due to the lamps.

Through these crazy nights, I came to realise that it's not that easy to exactly "listen to silence" in my living room. When you're deep in thoughts, well.. fairly easy to drift to a different dimension, but when you're seriously drifting randomly from one thought to another, you can't help but gradually notice the clock ticking extremely loudly, and sometimes, the sounds of a car passing. Ha! For that matter, I'm glad to say that the roads in my area are quite quiet unless some crazy racers zoom pass. Well, they used to do that quite often, but come to think of it.. I don't remember hearing them recently. Hmm.. nice. :D

Headaches are horrible... they really make me feel sick. I will suspect if I'm having a fever, and will sometimes be disappointed to find that I do not have a fever. Haha.. weirdo. Headaches also make me feel like puking... urgh.. i hate this nauseous feeling. Why can't we fall ill without feeling nauseous? haha.. I kinda feel like falling ill recently. Eh.. As in I want to fall ill. But well, it seems like I am gonna fall ill if I go on with my way of life. Hmm.. oh well.

URGHH..

Seriously...

2006-11-20T00:58:00.000+08:00

嗯。。。认真的男人，真是帅！

哈哈。。。请别介意我这突如其来的感叹。男生认真起来的时候，真的很帅哦！即使他们本来普普通通，但认真做事情时，就是不一样。我想，当我们认真做事情时，会散发出某种魅力吧。不论男女，在这种时候都会特别吸引人。最近看到一个男生拉小提琴。。。优美的旋律，加上那男生认真，陶醉的样子，真的很吸引人！但它歇下乐器时，嗯。。。是另一回事。哈哈。。。

最近又再次发现我真的很欣赏有才华的男生。比起那些空有外表的，我比较喜欢有才气的人。但是，如果性格不好，那又是另外一回事了。啊。。。开始复杂化了。

A sudden urge to venture into the world of english literature... only a little. Haha... Some time ago, I felt like reading a bit more about pride and prejudice, and I did... Then after watching In Her Shoes just now, I feel like buying a book of poems to read. Hmm... See, without exams and all the stress, it's a better learning environment! I'll be curious with a lot of things, it's natural! But, I usually will just have the ideas but not the actions. Haha.. so I guess school is still crucial in my life. :P

Surprisingly, the memories that came back weren't really about my jc life. I actually thought more about my time in crez dance, and of course... hee hee. I feel that jc life has shown me more about the ugly side of society, life, people in general, love, and of course me. I guess the reason why people look back to their school life is that it's less ugly then, and more carefree. As we grow older, we have a greater need to learn to enjoy life, to enjoy life even when you see more of the ugly side. That's a really great challenge, and perhaps that's why we share bonds with so many people... to lighten our load, to share the burden, to overcome the obstacles, and last of all to celebrate the victories together!

yet another round

2006-11-17T03:28:00.000+08:00

Somehow, I feel that it's not that I don't know why I'm sad, it's just that I don't wanna face it. One other thing, I really hate being tied down. Just leave me alone and give me some personal space! What's the point of forcing me to go with you all if I'm not gonna enjoy myself there? I'll just be ruining the atmosphere for all of you anyway. I juz feel like being left alone for a while...

This is getting emotional... how emotional? I wanted to write and/or draw in the room just now, and I asked my brother to leave the lights on. He wants to sleep, so he asked after I came out from the toilet if he can turn off the lights already. I told him my purpose of turning on the lights, but decided to off it anyway. I've made a good decision, coz he started to grunt a little that i'm gonna leave the lights on. Ya, so what's so emotional about it. After that, I walked into the toilet again, locked myself in and started crying. Sigh... I've found out why I'm so emotional anyway, it's the usual cycle... yeah, that. Sigh... like things aren't bad enough, I have to get emotional and make everything look worse.

I'm very much addicted to the song "Angels and Devils". The whole song sounds so sad, exactly how i felt some time ago... listened to it everywhere I go, pushing myself deeper inside, burying myself in the mount of sadness.

My will is shaking... should i? should i? I know there's nothing to lose anymore, now that it's all coming to an end... But the only way to let myself go is for me to let go. I need to let go, before I can be free... I want to just throw it all out, regardless of the outcome. I'm pessimistic about the outcome anyway, so how much worse can it get?

The sudden change in life

2006-11-16T20:06:00.000+08:00

Once, life had been so easy... with nothing to worry about, and only one path to take. With no worries, we all went on the same journey... carefree...

As life went on, we gradually realise that life isn't that easy afterall. It is time for us to choose a path among several, if not may. All is unknown, the view ahead is pitchblack, but we have to make a choice, and move on with life... dealing with the unknown, walking in complete darkness.

over

2006-11-15T19:57:00.000+08:00

Finally... oh finally.... *great big sigh* Finally, it's all over! 'A' Levels has officially ended for me!! Yay!! haha.... yay........ *sigh* It doesn't seem like a big change. It seems like my friends have bigger reactions to my situation than I have... They still have papers. But, I've been in this kinda mood since math had ended... Don't feel like studying anything at all.

Econs was a disaster, that's all I have to say. No hopes of passing anymore... I am officially dead. Do visit me at my grave, and remember to bring flowers... 15 November 2006 marks the downfall of xiaohei.

一切都结束了，但我心中却有种莫名的伤感。不知道为什么，虽然都考完了，却一点也兴奋不起来。回家的路上，竟有种带点悲伤的寂寞。就这样的，边沉浸在这伤感中，边思索着为何会如此。是因为他吗？是因为我以后都不能再见到他了吗？还是因为有种失去了方向的感觉呢？结果会如何？未来我会怎么样？以后的路该怎么走？啊~ 我想我知道为什么了。。。应该是因为，我不知道以后会怎么样吧。无法预测未来会如何，因此感到害怕吗？

我想就是这样吧。但我能肯定，部分的原因是他吧。最近，尝到了一点甜头，但这是先甜后苦吗？我深怕再次感到那样的脆弱，无助。。。我怕这一切都是虚幻的。我又能怎样？这只是友谊吗？这只是友谊吧。我们只不过成为了更好的朋友罢了。

I find that he has been quite a distraction. I should have pulled myself out before I totally fell inside the pit. It's not like I didn't realise that i'm falling.. I knew that I was gonna drop inside already, and I just allowed that to happen, knowing that i'll get nothing out of it! What am I? an idiot? Oh yes I am one!!

Sigh, now that i've reached the latest episode of "Prince of Tennis", I've no idea what other ways I have to entertain myself. Perhaps I should find another anime to watch... and start drawing again. Sigh.... I still have to build up my portfolio... Mr Lee wants us in school

In the midst of my downfall

2006-11-12T21:17:00.000+08:00

Well, still in the midst of 'A' Levels and I have this sudden urge to blog. Ok, fine... not really "urge".. I guess i'm just bored. Haha... Not like I have nothing to do. The stack of econs stuff had been moved by me nightly from the desk to the bed, so tt i can put my food on the desk while watching "Prince of Tennis" on YouTube, and from the bed to the desk when I'm gonna sleep. Hahaha... What a loser. YEAH! oh my... I haven't been studying!! AND THIS IS THE MOST SCARY SUBJECT THAT I AM TAKING!!

I guess it's because everything's coming to an end that i really have no mood to study at all. It's really weird coz I actually studied more for prelim 2 than for 'A's. Heh... well except chinese and Stats. >.< This time round, I read through some things on chinese, but paper 1 was horribly done. I also managed to remember that paper 2 includes prob and stats, and made notes the night before.. Erm.. like from ard 12 am to 3 am ++? hahaha... Sigh...

I
AM
SO
LAZY!!

That's my confession. And it's not very good for me to confess this so truthfully and whole-heartedly. Eeks! As for the other confession? Bah... forget it larz. Nothing to expect from it, except disappointment (even though I should know the outcome) and the I-knew-this-was-coming. Haha... Well, at least by that time, people would be done with their 'A's and I'll have friends to console me! BUT, that is if i seek consolation from them :P

Err.. let me see, to update my current situation on 'A's:

GP -- Not too good, not too bad. Seems the usual. Which means I might be able to pass, but no hopes of scoring. B would be a luxury already.

Chinese -- As i've said, paper 1's horrible!! Juz in case you think tt paper 1 is essay-writing, nah... paper 1 is essay-writing + language paper. Why are they so bad? I SLEPT!! SEVERAL TIMES!! Well, that taught me a lesson. From then on, I made sure I get enough sleep the night before the papers. (But chinese is the last paper with morning paper so it's fine to sleep late from then on :D)

Math 9233 -- Err.. Paper 1 is better than I thought, but not too good. I erm... kinda expected myself to be skipping a whole lot of qns coz i didn't finish revising. I did skip qns in the end, but not a lot larz. And lucky me, I didn't study vectors and numerical methods for paper 1. They didn't come out!! YEAH! Paper 2... as i said, was doing super last minute work on stats. And read numerical methods and vectors on e train trip to school. Super duper last minute work. Skipped a few qns in paper 2 too. Overall. IF, i say IF, this is like the ijc standard, there's hope of aceing. However, that is IF it's ijc standard. which means, not high hopes of aceing. eeks!

Econs -- Not taken yet, but I can start predicting already. I am dead. I am doomed. I am in deep sh*t. This is gonna be the downfall of this black creature here. Hahaha... Oh, how can i still laugh.

Failed attempt to go to City Hall and Tanglin Camp today coz I was too lazy to move my butt, and there was no one to go with. Well, one of the purpose to have someone to go with is to force me to move my butt. Hahaha... oh well. At least I went to City Hall once, all thanks to Chaky. If i failed my econs, it'll be his fault! haha.. juz kidding. I took some pictures with my phone, and regret not taking more. Well, the photographer's someone else. Sigh... and I'm not used to taking pictures all the time, juz forgot to take them lorz. :p Will put up the pictures i took the next time coz blogger's not letting me upload them -_-" haiz.. hopefully by then i can get the pictures from the photographer, then can post everything together :)

today's crap

2006-11-04T19:57:00.000+08:00

Look at what i've found in ELLE magazine (Oct 06), under ellehoroscope:

GEMINI
21 MAY - 21 JUN
An opportunity offered to you at the end of September seems to be a dream come true -- but you should wait for a few weeks, if possible, before you say yes. You need to find out more about it, and to assess what it will demand from you as well as its rewards. In mid-October you will get to see it in a very different light, which may make you glad you waited; but if you still think it's what you want, then go ahead.

HAHAHA.. hilarious! xD Well, this actually applies to several things that had happened, including the one that I guess you're thinking about now. Haha.. but whether I saw these things in a different light in mid-October or some other time, I can't be sure. Well you see, I don't really keep track of time, as most of you already know. hahaha.. yep.

That's all the crap for today. Unless you wanna know that I haven't been studying as usual. Oops.. haha.. That leaves me 2 days to touch on pure mathematics and a day for stats! no no...

New mad drawing

2006-11-02T16:59:00.000+08:00

Here's my new drawing.. done when i'm supposed to be preparing for 'A's. Heh heh.. well, i started some time ago, and finishing it will make me feel more accomplished and less distracted (somehow), so I decided to finish it! hahaha.. If i'm right, it was done by early halloween :) Slept late to finish it.

Well, erm.. first, tell me what you think i'm drawing by looking at the 'big picture' up there. :) Thanks. I wanna see how others interpret my drawing. At the end of this entry, I'll be revealing what i'm actually drawing.. It's nothing too deep, by the way.

Well, I hope you can see the animals here. There's a rabbit (quite obvious), a snail, a squirrel, a goldfish, a pig, a bird, a cat, and a boy(this is not an animal xD assuming animals = non-human animals) I ran out of ideas and visions/sights/creativity.. whatever, halfway through drawing, and was unable to link the shapes to any animal. So, well.. I'm not that satisfied.

Well, I hope you've enjoyed these photos :) judging by how clear the pictures are, i guess you know that I didn't use my phone to take it. Haha.. I used my bro's camera secretly.. SHHH... Hahaha.. like it matters.

So now, to reveal the answer. What i'm drawing.. or rather, my inspiration is actually a plant. So, I'm kinda like drawing a growing seed. Haha.. out of the 6 ppl i've asked so far, 3 realised that it's a plant (though one knew it from me some time earlier, before i completed this piece. haha..) 4 others thought that it's sth to do with love, coz of the heart-shaped like thingy. Mel was quite funny, she thought tt i'm trying to say tt the love is running away. HAHAHA.. but well, i have to agree that when i drew the roots, i thought they look like legs, and i might've purposedly positioned them there. xD Fred thought that it's a plant, but with a deeper meaning (related to love again). He thinks that I'm trying to say sth like the love is growing. Hmm... But well, i was just drawing a growing seed.. that came to my mind as a random idea :P

Next, GOOD NEWS!! erm.. Well, one of it is good larz. xD

Peeps! Please visit marina square between 9 to 12 november. Noise festival will be launched 6.30 pm at 9 nov there. My artwork would be displayed too :) And yeah, i'll be paying my artwork a visit, and of course its neighbours *wink* Muz go arh.. Muz arh!! I'll camp there and you better show your face i tell ya! hahaha...

The good news is, the person in noise singapore called to tell me that I'm given an opportunity to showcase my artwork on a magazine too, but it's a video games magazine, so I would have to draw something related to that... which is kinda hard with my style (referring to my mad drawings here). I asked her for the deadline and she said, "I will need your commitment for the next 2 days." Oops... the next 2 days = 2 and 3 november = 'A's language papers. Ahem hem hem... Ya, so i gave it a pass lorz. But she said that she'll try to find a slot to squeeze me in, perhaps for jan 07 issue :) That would be nice. But again, video games... *troubled*

for once, i'm right!

2006-10-31T19:11:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. I've been with my friends recently, and i had this gut feeling that they know about it, that they have a perfect idea who "he" is... Some time ago, i found out tt one of those i think know abt it, does know abt it. Ha.. Today... I found out that the other one whom i suspect know abt it, does know abt it too! What's more, one whom I do not think will sense, sensed it too!! Well, i'm not worry about it, because I know that these people are trustworthy, unlike some others :P Haha...

So what's wrong with them knowing, you might ask.. Well... these people know about it, but him? HIM? I bet he has no idea at all. Sigh... After 'A's, i tell myself, after 'A's... And after 'A's, they tell me, after 'A's... haha... but chances aren't high, i kept telling myself. I think he still likes that other girl a lot.. I have this gut feeling that he really likes her a lot. *shrugs* We shall see then... abt a month later...

Ehhh... hooked to this song, that's not very new.. hahaha... Here's the lyrics:

If you're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

bound by love

2006-10-27T15:27:00.000+08:00

The meaning behind a marriage is love,

just as the shadow of the ring is shaped as a heart.

....Bound by love....

Well, just some experimental photos. :) First saw this thing on net, and I was random enough a while ago to try it out myself. Well, as you can see, the shadow's not very clear, that's because I'm doing stuff in broad daylight, and i'm getting the sunlight as the source of light. That explains the faint shadow. But well, it has been a fun experience :) You should try it out yourself.

I guess I'll be posting more photos than before, with this new phone :) YAA~ heh heh. I guess you can see that i really love this phone a lot. So please please please don't let me lose it! Thanks! Oh, and if you look carefully at the photos and read the words there, you'll realised what book that is. :P

It's rather amazing how i can finish reading a 700-odd-paged Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so fast (considering my reading speed) when I can't even finish one booklet of econs notes, or one page of chinese literature essay/notes. Eeks.. Nope, that book in the picture's not the fifth book, but the sixth book. You see, I've finished the fifth book, and am currently moving to the sixth already. :P I really ought to lock myself in a hotel with notes and notes only. Hahaha...

This last photograph, is just like one of my stickman drawings... Some sorta "Being alone in this big big world" thingy. Yep. You see that helpless little girl, standing alone in a gigantic world (in her opinion), which is my room. hahaha... she lives in a wooden box in my cupboard, with a human friend who looks just like her, several dressed teddy bears, and a hamster as roommates. Her neighbours include a relatively large tigger puppet waving a flag, a forever friend bear, a miniature piglet in a crez mug, and i can't remember what else. hahaha...

Enough crapping, it's time to read up on Feminism! Surprised I'm doing work? What's more, GP... Haha.. well, i woke up this morning remembering that there are about what, 5 more days to GP? Eeks.. really eekss...

New sketchbook!!

2006-10-26T22:40:00.000+08:00

I've been eyeing several sketchbooks from kinokuniya for some time already, and all of them are rather expensive... Today, I finally decided to buy one. I LOVE THIS BOOK!! One of my concern earlier was that there is a price tag inside.. so ugly. And because it's stuck inside, on the paper, I guessed it'll be quite a challenge to remove it. Then recently, they brought in some new stocks!! They placed some wrapped ones! WRAPPED ONES!! hahaha.. and one of the wrapped ones is the colour that I want, lime green!! hahahahaha... so i bought it today. =) And here are the pictures!!

This book's paper is rather thick, so I think i'll be using it for my crazy drawings... ink work, you see. :) And most probably I'll keep the rough work away from here.. Haha.. below's a close up to show you what word is printed there. It says [etcetra], juz in case you still can't read it :)

Some information abt it:

Acid-free premium 180 gsm cartridge paper.
Produced using eco-pulp derived from sustainable forests.

I really, really love it. Don't you? :)

I'm adapting...

2006-10-23T02:52:00.000+08:00

Gradually, I got used to not seeing him... gradually, I got used to not chatting with him... gradually, I seem to have forgotten about him (sometimes)... Well, that's a good sign isn't it? But me mentioning it now is a bad sign... coz it shows that I still care :(. Haha.. as a matter of fact, yeah, I still care about it, and sometimes still brood over it and make myself sad... But well, at least I'm showing improvements *smile*

I guess I'm sticking with the idea of ignoring it until 'A's had ended... so as not to distract myself too much. I mean, while ignoring it, it's such a trouble already, can you imagine if I don't ignore it?! Haha... Well, till then... goodbye (to him).

As for the preparation for 'A's, erm.... *guilty* I... suppose.... .... I'm quite ..... fine..... *LIAR*. Haha.. I've been slacking, as usual. Sigh... can anyone stay by my side 24/7 and make sure tt i study?! Or can anyone say things like... "If you get an A for math, I'll get you a scanner." :P Muahaha...

I got my new phone today! YAA!!! heh heh... so happy. :) I better make sure I don't ever lose this phone... EVER! I'll get killed by my parents if i ever do lose it... Nope, they won't do the job, killing me.. but they'll make sure that I feel so bad that I'll do the job of killing myself. :P Haha... well, please... anyone... just make sure that i don't lose this phone!! Oh, and force me to study... haha...

new drawing

2006-10-17T12:43:00.000+08:00

Felt like I should do some real people again... so i flipped the magazine.. and got this picture... erm.. I'm not satisfied with this piece coz I screwed up the eyes... sigh..... And i realised that the hair is REALLY hard to draw.. sigh... I'm enjoying shading more and more now though :)

Actually there's more to the clothes larz.. but there's sooo much detail! So i decided to drop it... :P What's more.. it's 1 am in the morning.. time to sleep. Actually if it wasn't for my brother, who kopped the com, I would've been playing on e com bah.. instead of sleeping. Yeah..

Happy drawing!

I'm supposed to be studying with kai li now at liang court macs :P But i just can't give it a rest till i've uploaded the picture.. Heh heh... paiseh arh kai li... so ya.. that's all. Comment pls.. thx.

----updated---

Yep.. this is the picture.. This is maggie Q. And yes, I was supposed to be drawing maggie Q, but... they don't look alike, do they.. Haha.. now you know why i'm not satisfied with this piece :P

Hope will always be there

2006-10-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

I've not given up hope.

Usually, that'll be something good, to be hopeful. This time round, I really wonder if it's alright to leave myself with some hope. Hope will always be there no matter what, but... is it going to help me through this? Or is it gonna ruin my life? Alright, perhaps not so serious that it'll ruin my life... just hurt me, I guess.. Anyway in my vision, I have a good life in the future!

It's like I'm still clinging on to it. Although I don't really pin that much hope already, I think I can't bring myself to believe everything to be true, that he hadn't felt anything for me at all, until I hear it from him. So I guess this whole matter can only get a rest after 'A' Levels, when I'll be free to ask him, just in case I get too sad to study.. :P In the first place, I don't study when I'm happy anyway. Hahaha...

Ehh... And about my vision, no idea why but I just seem to trust my vision. I feel like I'm Phoebe(not sure if i spelt it correctly), having these visions. haha... It might sound kinda weird to you, for me to be so naive and believe this kinda things. Sometimes, I just suddenly, randomly, have this feeling that something will happen. And when I get this kinda feeling, I'll feel very strongly about it. Evidence? need some evidence? Sure! haha..

1. Primary 6 -- I've this friend of mine, she's the kinda kid who fails practically everything except chinese. Her math grades are usually 40+, and I can't really remember if she had ever passed her math before. So anyway, one fine day, around prelim I guess, I saw her, and I had this feeling that she'll get 70+ for her math. And, I just told her about it. Haha... she, of course, naturally, did not trust my "gut feeling", and said it's impossible coz her usual grade's far from that. In the end, she did get 70+ for math!! But I don't think she remembered what I told her. Oh, well.. I was really thrilled when i know that I got it right. Haha...

2. Secondary 4 -- Piggy.. She's quite hardworking.. Well, if you compare the 2 of us, then she's VERY hardworking. :p I'm a sloth. So well, she got a 2-digit for her L1R5 for prelim. But I got this feeling that she'll get a single digit, or a 10 for her 'O's. However, this time round the feeling's not that strong. Oh, and she got a 9 in the end. Haha...

Yeah... those 2 are the only evidence that i can remember. :p So anyway, in my vision, I'm some busy woman, dressed like those 9-to-5, the higher end kind, leading a high life... ok.. not THAT high, but quite well-off. :) Hopefully I'm right again this time!

And it seems like I get all these "visions" when major exams are approaching. Haha... PSLE, 'O's, 'A's.. :P Let's hope there'll still be exams for me for the next 2 to 3 years... In Uni.

Don't like myself when....

2006-10-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

突然想用华文打打字...

我非常讨厌沉浸在恋爱中的自己，或许因为这一次是单恋吧。当我这样子喜欢这一个人的时候，我变得好傻，好蠢... 白痴到我自己都受不了。一直以来，我都向往独立，坚强的那一面，但在这个时候，我却变得脆弱，无助，也开始依赖他人。我讨厌愚笨的自己... 但是，我不得不承认在这段恋情里，我是如此的愚昧，如此的看不清现实。

一开始，我便清楚的知道不该踏进这滩烂泥，但却仍然让我自己陷进去。很笨吧！唉~ 我真的有股冲动，向就那么告诉他：“我喜欢你...” 但是，我是个胆小鬼。胆小鬼！

虽然我没掉那么多的泪水，但我清楚的知道我还蛮难过的，也非常明白自己很被这事件所影响。为什么？其实，很明显的。自从着一件事过后，我变得安静了。奇怪吧。平时吵吵闹闹的我，竟然会安静？所以说嘛，就是有问题啦！那一天在学校里，死死的。昨天和朋友出去，也异常的安静。那几个男生还说怕我静静地在他们后面走回走丢，说要把我绑起来，拉着走，像小狗一样。哈哈。。。但我昨天是比较静啦，也走得很慢。或许是因为地点吧。他们所选择的地方，竟是那个拥有着一些回忆的地方。

昨天，搭车回家时，眼泪涌出，但我并没有让它们落下。当时的我在想，同样的地点，搭着同样的巴士，也同样是站在里头，心情却那么不同。快回家时，过了马路后，我们便分头走了。他们都搭地铁，所以最后只剩我一个人走到巴士车站。走过之前和他走过的路，但这一次，我是孤单的。一路走着，不免回忆起那只存在于回忆的兴奋与快乐。当时所抱有的希望，如今已不再。这静静的悲伤正静静的侵蚀着我的肉体，侵蚀着我的心灵。不久后，或许你们所认识的我永远都回不来了，我所认识的自己也永远都不在了。

Something's no longer there. That something that i had been hoping for will never be there anymore. I've grown to realise that I shouldn't be waiting for that something anymore. It wasn't meant for me, that something... neither was he meant for me. It is indeed a bad time to have discovered that, as it takes my mind off often, distracting me...

It's really hard to put on a mask, and i seldom do that. But even just a thin layer of mask hurts me a lot... like today. I had been smiling a lot, which just makes the pain even worse....

Yesterday, I survived through the whole day with one sandwich (homemade) and hazelnut hot chocolate from starbucks. I was worried that I'll go on like that, though I won't mind if it's just a short period of time, meaning that my weight will go down for the first time! Haha.. But well, I guess I worried for nothing, for now, I AM HUNGRY!! YEAH! :) Being hungry is a good thing. I never knew that feeling hungry can make me so relieved. Heehee... no no ... hee hee's no longer here.. heh heh...

and I saw him a few times today... sigh....

In pain

2006-10-12T16:02:00.000+08:00

I'm in pain... emotionally and physically. Sigh... Stupid menstrual cramps. HATE IT!!! yes... HATE IT!!!

Here's my crazy attempt to clog up my blog with posts all happening on one day!! Hmm... This is the second post.. so let's see how many I'll be posting today.. Here's before my brother uses the com.

Well... Watched Goong just now, and some things touched my heart.. eg. "He can be nice to you occasionally, but the person he likes is still ____ ..." and "one-sided love is so tiring..." Yes.. exactly how I feel!

One of my friends used to say that I'm lucky enough to know the person I like, because some people don't get to know their crush. However, it's not so simple. Not knowing that person, doesn't make you like that person that much. Knowing him in person, makes you realise that you like him really much, and makes everything even more painful! Sigh... And to know that he knows you, without knowing that you like him! It's just like the chinese saying "The furthest distance is when I'm right beside you but you have no idea that I like you so". Yep..

And to think that I've been thinking so much when all along, he's been liking her! All along, he hasn't once fallen for me... How many times have I tried to get myself out and failed... Right at the beginning, I've told myself that I shouldn't venture too deep because it'll do me no good, I knew all along that I'll be hurt in the end but.... but....... but I just can't help it. While getting myself out of the endless pit, he comes by again and a "hi" from him pulls me lower, a tap from him cuts the rope I had been holding on to.... And I fall right down, knowing that he'll never be there to catch me, knowing that no one's gonna save me.

He's been nice to me... but that's just friendship. I've been constantly reminding myself that. It's just friendship! I made myself think in the bad way all the time, forcing myself to think that he dislikes my company to keep myself from finding him too often. I had forced myself to do as little as possible, so that I'll know if he does dislike my company. And several times, he had shown that I was wrong, that he doesn't dislike me! He finds me instead of me finding him! I even got to know that sometimes when he didn't approach me, it's because he had thought that I was busy doing things! Knowing all these just made me feel so happy... that I'm not being disliked. That at least there's still a speck of hope. Knowing all these now makes me feel so sad... that he's just a friendly creature being nice to me as he always does to everyone else.

My friends suggested that perhaps he's shy, just like me. I had thought of that before too because he does seem like a shy person. But, he had been very enthu with his crush. He did a lot of things.. but me? me? me??? what he had done to me is NOTHING to what he had done to her. So... there is nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing...

nothing....

Perhaps, I should start convincing myself all over again that he dislikes me.

Goodbye!

And maybe i'll tell him one day that I had once fallen for him.

I'm still sad

2006-10-12T12:40:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm still sad.

Actually, I've been waiting for the chance to see you, to see how you treat me, to see if it really is true... that scene I saw after the fog has cleared, that scene that broke my heart. However, I never got the chance to do it. I did see you, but you didn't see me. That very time you saw me, you didn't even say hi. Fine then.. I guess it's true then.

After some time, some tears finally dropped today.

I had been so dead yesterday, and you're part of the reason why.

You still like her don't you? And you had never liked me at all... I just wanted to hear from you... to know if it's true... to know that it's true, and that's when I'll finally decide to move on.

I have this urge to just tell you that I like you, even though I know there's no hope now. I just want to tell you, as if it'll relieve me from all the pain I'm having now. Maybe I will tell you.. some time... maybe...

I'm fine, thank you :)

2006-10-10T23:52:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I'm better than I would've thought! Hmm.... why's that so? I've no idea too. It's like.. life goes on for me.. Not much changes. It's just that I'm sure I'm not going to have any more expectations.. Hope still remains, somehow.. Oh, well...

I guess I have this idea that I should've known it all along bah, though that piece of news still came as a kind of shock. Eeps.. haha..

Self-proclaimed: NO SCHOOL TODAY!! haha.. coz i woke up late.. had a bad headache last night. sigh... anw, tuesday's a free-period day... 2 and 1/2 hours of free period for me to rot, draw, do homework (*ahem* sometimes), study (*ahem* once more.. xD), think through things, feel sad and lonely, feel excited, sleep, read magazines (i mean TIME, national geographic kinda magazines)... ... ... ... Yep! So, I missed ECONS LECTURE AND TUTORIAL!!! and that's very bad. Sharks...

as for tomorrow, self-proclaim: NO MATH LECTURE!! Haha... that's like a permanent claim. :P Erm... I guess I got addicted to skipping math lectures? Yep.. addicted. Amazing isn't it? So, you better not try it, or you'll end up like me!

An end marks a new beginning

2006-10-09T17:33:00.000+08:00

I've changed my blogskin again, as you can see. And for that welcome message, I didn't type that... but it just fits in so nicely... So i left it there.

Since the day my heart broke (haha.. so cliche :P), nothing much has happened. Not much changes too.. It's just that sadness had moved in once again, and the tears are reluctant to move away. How I wish I can cry my heart out, but I only managed to drop a couple of tears today. The rest were for watching "Finding Neverland".

Oh, it's a nice movie, do watch it.

Perhaps I'm just deceiving myself, forcing "life goes on" into me. I... still miss him. Though the balloon of hope has deflated, but it's still tied to me... or rather, I'm still holding on to it. Hope's still there, but not the expectations.. So, I guess that's alright, since hope is always around. :)

I've been defeated, and it takes time to heal. Just want to say that I'm alright, it's just that sometimes, I would prefer to be left alone.

Recovering

2006-10-08T21:24:00.000+08:00

I'm fine, I guess. At least I've managed to gather the shattered pieces... I'll start to glue them back soon, and one day, I'll be good!! :)

Surprisingly, knowing more about the truth makes me cry less. Actually, I don't cry after knowing the truth... hmm... perhaps I've accepted this piece of news. But, I still have to admit that I am sad about it... and I do think a lot about it. I've turned back to drawing to clear my mind and my mood when I'm not studying (or playing :P).

Not crying.. to me, this is a good sign. :)

Somehow, after analysing the situation again in this new perception, I realised that I was really silly... but I somehow think that there's still this little speck of hope. Ha.. Whatever...

Anyway, I just want to say that I'm recovering already... I'm accepting this fact better than I thought. Yup. So... I'm almost fine! :) bye bye

Curiosity kills the cat

2006-10-07T21:07:00.000+08:00

An attempt to unfold some things so as to get to know my current situation better... ... left me heartbroken.

Curiosity kills the cat. That's what I get for my attempt to un-fog the situation a little. I got myself killed.

I've been so silly all this while, thinking that some things seem like hope... I guess the fog's all gone now, revealing the ugly scene that's so painful to look at. The hopes turned out to be "friendship", nothing else. Now it's back to "friendship" being something that sounds so depressing.

All the encouragements I've gotten from my friends, along with my hopes, my expectations, my assumptions, my predictions, my short-lived bliss and my memories, have turned into disappointments. Now you know why I kept telling myself not to be hopeful. I nearly cried, but somehow, the tears went back inside... and somehow, I kinda became numb.

And to think that I had actually dreamt of something good this week... ouch! plaster!! I need plaster!! FIRST AID REQUIRED!! hahaha...

Well, I'll get well... don't worry (that is if you're actually worrying :P) I had been sad that there's so little time left, but now, i'm glad about that! At least there's something for me to feel glad about :) Erm.. if you're still not convinced that I'm quite alright, go ahead and do all sorts of things to cheer me up... like... ... buy me stuff, crack all sorts of jokes, distracting me with all your might, and .... if i happen to seem like I'm about to cry, hand me some napkins (can't promise that i'll take them though :P), stay by my side but don't talk to me... Haha... that is IF i ever seem like I'm gonna cry. Ehh... actually, this thing happening today, it should be quite expected bah..

Clear the fog pls!

2006-10-06T21:27:00.000+08:00

I miss you-know-who(or to some of you, you-don't-know-who) quite often these days... And i bet i'm gonna miss him even more soon... Sigh... can everything be less fogged? can it just be clearer? And singapore's reacting to my current state, getting foggy eh.. k lame.

Can you just make everything clearer?
I thought in the good way... and the bad way...
my friends thought in the good way.... and the bad way...
Can you just, show more?! Even if you don't like me, just show more so that I'll know!! It's all so blur now..

Everything's so confusingly confusing that it's confusing my already confused mind! Are you confused too? Haha...

URGHHH...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

You don't know and I can't blame you for that, because... you don't know. Haiz...

Work hard!!!

2006-10-04T19:21:00.000+08:00

Miss Lim gave me one mark, coz 44s are pushed up to 45 to pass. Ha.. lucky me. That means I pass everything!! But that's not what i want of course, i mean, I need at least ABC? sigh...

Was supposed to be studying today. But because i forgot to bring formula list, I gotta come home first. And i got stuck to the com. Boo hoo... I shall move over to great world now, for 3 hours, and i'll be back to study. how lame.. perhaps I should stay at home. no no no .. great world.. AHHH!!

Found a new place to study. A very nice place to study :) Clarke Quay's coffe bean where it's nice and cosy with tables that are big enough and most importantly, NO PEOPLE!!! hahaha.. YEAH!

To all the muggers out there...

GOOD LUCK MUGGING UP!!!

这短暂的幸福，留下的却是永无止境的伤痛。

一切仍模糊不清，一切仍无法断定。

我想，我不该报多大的希望吧。

Results

2006-10-02T21:45:00.000+08:00

GP - C6 (47%)

Math C - B (lousy B)

Econs - AO (43.05%) --- :(

CL 'A' - B (lousy B)

More about me

2006-10-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

Wondered why i love doing all those tests, and I guess it's because I find it a way to know how i really think about myself. Why? Because if the test results are different from my opinion, I'll dismiss the results as "not true" and doubt the test's accuracy. Haha... So, that's a way of finding out how I really think. :)

Next, the bigger matter... him

It's just so, like that lorz... Although my friends are hopeful (when my hope's almost gone), nothing much has happened since then!! Sigh... Hope, I just need a little more hope!! Or, I need a lot of hope!!

I guess I miss him. Hmm.. ok. I'm pretty sure I miss him.. This is bad. He's occupying my thoughts!! This is so unfair! How can he claim so much space from my thoughts when i'm insignificant to him?? Sigh... It's back to days of waiting for him to come online, waiting for some signs that might seem like hope, waiting for the chance to see him, and i mean see, only..

I hate it when you don't reply my messages! It just makes me feel so insignificant!

10 things about me

2006-09-30T20:05:00.000+08:00

Visited my friend's blog and linked to another website, with tests!! Oh, i just love to do them sometimes.. so fun. haha.. basically this'll be a blog of test results :P

I've decided, to post 10 things about me. :D

You Are 14% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

HAHAHA!! Some of you must be pointing your finger at the screen, saying that the system lied about me :p

You Are a Visual Learner

You tend to remember what you see, and you have a good eye for aesthetics.
You excel at art, design, and computer programming.
You would be an excellent film director - or the next Bill Gates!

What's Your Learning Style?

This is quite true. Perhaps that explains why i do better in dance than in school.

You Should Be A Gemini

What's good about you: witty and energetic, you're simply the most fun to be around

What's bad about you: you're flighty - losing interest in people and projects quickly

In love: you enjoy the "honeymoon phase," but after that it's hard for you to stick around

In friendship, you're: likely to have many groups of friends, with many different interests

Your ideal job: mime, guru, or cartoonist

Your sense of fashion: casual and simple

You like to pig out on: fast food, especially burritos

What Sign Should You Be?

I'm true to my sign! WOW!

Your Aura is Green

You're very driven, competitive, and even a bit jealous.
However, you seek out balance in your life - and you usually achieve it!

The purpose of your life: inspiring others to be better

Famous greens include: Tony Robbins, Donald Trump, Martha Stewart

Careers for you to try: Guru, CEO, Talk Show Host

What Color Is Your Aura?

Green again! so green recently. And Donald Trump!!! I'm gonna be rich, hahaha..

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

Erm.. another green? HAHAHA... guess i'm really green then.

Your Blogging Type is Unique and Avant Garde

You're a bit ... unusual. And so is your blog.
You're impulsive, and you'll often post the first thing that pops in your head.
Completely uncensored, you blog tends to shock... even though that's not your intent.
You tend to change your blog often, experimenting with new designs and content.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

HAHAHA... that's up to you to judge. But someone had said tt i'm quite weird. :P

You Are 12 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Wow! I'm a kid! So I should be excused if i happen to be childish! Yay!

You Are An INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

What's Your Personality Type?

Yeah, i'm a thinker. Agree that i'm logical, and i think i lack creativity!! eeks

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world.
And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly.

Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life.
You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful.

You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person.
With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

I'm airy! haha.. kidding.

You Are 24% Shy

You are slightly shy, but overall, your reactions to social situations are normal.
You dread difficult social situations, but you still handle them with grace.

How Shy Are You?

Hmm.. i'm actually quite shy you know.. I'm telling the truth here k.

That's 10 things about me. You must think that i'm really bored.. haha.. but actually i had intended to study at great world if it wasn't for all the tv shows and my mum's pork chops!! Haha...

Mood Swing

2006-09-29T18:56:00.000+08:00

Guess I'm having a mood swing today. Feel like locking myself in the room until my brother comes home. Don't even feel like eating dinner. Swinging to chips instead.

I miss you... I really do.

Temptations

2006-09-27T17:05:00.000+08:00

Went to popular bookstore with Yuan Yuan. As she went off searching for her pen refills, I looked through the arts stuff there. Was so so so so so so tempted!! Pastels!! 48 beautiful colours winking, and 20 acrylic paints giving me the seductive smile! AHHHHH~ hahaha.. Luckily I have not much money with me. Phew... If I buy them, I guess I'll be spending my time trying them out bah.

Anw, got back gp today. I actually passed!! SHOCK! haha..

Found this song yesterday and i'm already in love with it. Love the lyrics, love the singers, love the rhythm, LOVE IT!!! There's this part that says

坏的是我发现不知不觉
不见到你不是很习惯

Well, left an impression coz that's how i feel.

Results!! Fresh from the oven!

2006-09-26T17:31:00.000+08:00

Came to update on my prelim 2 results.. no, I've not gotten back everything, but well...

econs p1 -- 23/30
(hmm... that's the highest in my class -_- guess we're doomed)
econs p3 -- 23/75
(haha.. amazingly amazing! It's the same as my mcq =X -Dead-)

Math p1 -- 74/100
(YAA!! i was confident for this one. :P 74 surprised me, but i'm not satisfied of course!!)
Math p2 -- 49/100
(*sob* forgot to study stats... Pulled my grade down to a low B, how sad)

That's all that i've gotten back. Sigh.. am worried about econs. :( Math boost my confidence though ^^V Perhaps I should really try very hard to reach my dream of squeezing into the top for math C, so that ppl won't look down on arts students anymore when it comes to math! :D

Guess my class's really in a very dangerous position now. Sigh.. Like, none of us had managed to pass econs so far, and I doubt paper 2's gonna be a saviour. And I'm actually the only one who got a B for math in my class, when all those brainiacs are reaching 90. We really have to work hard bah. Still have to try to push some of my friends to study, which can be quite tiring and frustrating at times.

Oh! Miss Chua (my ct) reminded me yesterday that they have high expectations for me. Eeks! She actually said that I shouldn't be failing anything!! O.O Whoa~ she expects me to get at least an E grade (if i didn't really study). Ha.. ha.... ha...... ha....... ha......... don't worry, I'm not gonna stress myself up. I'll just be forcing myself to work harder than ever to meet their expectations, sacrificing all my entertainment times to do so... Hahaha.. I will NEVER do that to myself. :P But if there's one more mock exam for math before 'A's, I might really work very hard to squeeze into the top and make arts fac proud. See first bah.. haha. Perhaps a smaller and more reachable aim of being the top for math in arts first. :P

My toes hurt, no idea why. It's the twisted/sprained kinda pain, got to notice it during math today. Eeks~ Then while walking out of school, realised that my left ankle seems weird too. I hope it's not because of dance! Oh, and it's not the first time anyway.. so hopefully it'll be alright soon :)

This was meant to be a short entry... with only my results shown. :P HAHAHA!! oops!

MErcury

2006-09-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

Look at me! I'm posting almost every day!! What had I been doing all this while? Anything but studying. haha.. that's bad :(

Anyway, had been searching for myself on the net. Haha.. what an interesting thing to do. What's not so interesting is that there are many xiaohei-s around, including pets (many of them!!), and many simin-s around too. -_-" Sad right.. haha.. Eh, but I still managed to find myself in various blogs larz... blogs from frenz, seniors, juniors, and of course, my own blog. Haha... So what do they have to say about me? I only found 2 that really can show you how i am, or had been bah.

-From Jason's blog-

Simin (XIAO hei)
the dancer... the tallest gal in class.. hmm... i always call her dao kia cos she doesnt have any expressions.. her results are damn good ( quite obvious) and her excuse would be " i really nv study" .. she is a night owl who doesnt need to have sleep and can come sch the nxt day... oh ya.. pls sleep more nxt yr and come to sch fresh can.. ahahaz.. always lie on the table and zzz..

-Crez Dance junior-

last time xiao hei, audrey.they dun even hav 2 scream @ us.one look @ them and u noe whether they are pissed.when they scream, it's e end.BUT NOW.goodness. i shout n shout like dunno wad, nobody hears.

Hahaha... Jason, up till now, still calls me a dao kia. At other times, he'll call me black black. -_-" Thanks for the english name man. As for what the dance junior had to say about me and audrey lim (my successor), BWAHAHA.... see how power i was in crez dance? :P Found myself in another junior's site, this one's an older junior. Haha.. i know who she is arh.. so well, from her blog, it's quite clear that she's quite fond of me bah... Goodo!! haha... i had been popular AND unpopular in crez dance k. So weird.. hahaha..

水星 (Mercury)

我们都来自水星，所以我们是同个星球的人 ...

忽然，想起了从前的事。前些日子，看了日本真人版的HYD，台湾叫它作《流星花园》。戏里的道明寺司有一天突然对杉菜说，他们都是同个星球的人。原来，他说的是星座。他们俩的星座，都受到同个星球的保护。后来发现，我和他的星座，都受到水星的守护。或许就因为如此，所以我们才会那么相似，却又那么的不同。

Waiting for more signs to show so that i can come to a conclusion....

Talents, redundants, and dance : P

2006-09-23T19:09:00.000+08:00

I wonder if you guys re-read your blogs. Well, yesterday, I had been re-reading my blog. Not the whole thing of course. Started from April 2006's entries. Reached one entry where I mentioned Frank Sinatra's song "It had to be you", which, when i was typing that entry, was being played on Windows Media Player. Why the emphasis on this particular song back then? Well, the lyrics hit me hard on my face, and the bruise's still there :P So I thought I should listen to that song again! Went to windows media player to search for that song. As i listened to it play, something struck me. The beginning tune sounds so familiar... FIR!!

Yeah, it sounds like one of the songs from FIR. Thought hard and i remembered the song title. So, I went to search for that song. Since "F.I.R." and "Frank Sinatra" both begin with F, they're in the same page. I played FIR's, yeah it sounds alike... played Frank's again... hmm... seriously very alike! Played FIR again, omg they're almost the same. Played Frank's again, ok they ARE the same. And what did I do while going through this whole process of double clicking here and there? I was laughing mad!! Hahaha.... Thought this discovery's funny. In the end, I spent quite some time amusing myself clicking these two songs repeatedly. Haha...

Actually, this isn't the first thing I found out about FIR being a copycat. The first "copy" was months ago. Haha.. Perhaps last year :P Not sure if all of you had heard of this japanese band called "do as infinity" (aka DAI). They're quite famous actually. Anw, in that band, there's 2 guys, and one female singer. They also play rock music.. soft rock? not sure if that's what you call them. :P It's not just this that seems alike. Sometimes, I find that Faye's style and look is a copy of the lady from DAI. Oh, and actually the band names seem kinda similar too. Do as infinity, Fairyland in reality. Sigh... why is it that mando-pop must be so cheap at times? But I still kinda like FIR, so well... hahaha... as long as they stop trying to act cool.

My favourite's still Mayday! But there's a possibility that they'll be leaving this industry soon. That's sad isn't it? Not that the crowd don't like them, but that they might voluntarily leave the industry. They're original! And crazy!! hahaha... they're a bunch of funny people. Unlike those useless boy bands with only their faces to show (or for some, their body) mayday has talent! I mean, look at say... 183 club. I bet that's the funniest of them all. Hahaha... My friend laughed at the band's name. They're called 183 club because their average height's 183. -_-" Alright, perhaps name's not that important an issue. But can they sing? *ahem* nope. hahaha...

There was this time, when I was watching a taiwanese entertainment show. Someone from ENERGY's co-hosting the show. So, they were supposed to have a singing competition (with a theme) among several celebrities invited, and including the hosts. He, the one from ENERGY, self-admitted that he can't sing! GOodness!! You're in a boy band and you can't sing?! What is this? o.O What's worse? He actually knows that he can't sing!! Hahaha... I guess pure talent's not that important anymore.

Talent! That brings me to the "next big thing" in singapore. You know, that dance competition. Yep, I think it'll be better than Singapore Idol. BUT! Can singaporeans appreciate those artsy dances? Or would we just go for hip hop or break dance? I guess this show would reveal more than just the talented dancers in Singapore. It might be able to show us Singaporean's taste and preferences, when it comes to dance. I really wonder how it'll be like... *excited* haha... But i'm more excited about the second season of "So you Think you can Dance"!!! ^^

I feel like Colbert now.. haha.. "dance" brings me to the next topic, which is, dance! hahaha... k lame. Went for dance practice today. Second time since the comeback. :) Good sign! Last week, I could feel that I've lost a lot of -- no, it's not weight, though i wish it is -- flexibility as I warmed up. But as i danced through the day, it got better. Today, of course it's better than last week, but i'm still not fully back yet. Surprisingly, my teacher asked me if I had been stretching at home. This question came as a surprise! What went through my mind...

"Oh no, is she trying to find out if i had been a lazy student? coz I hadn't been practising at all! Sharks! Wait... she seems quite happy, she must be expecting a positive for some reason..."

So in the end, I took a lot of turns and didn't really answer her question. :P hahaha.. but by listening to what I had said, most people would think that I had practised a little at home. hahaha.. Well, she asked that question because she found that my recovery's quite fast. Although I hadn't been dancing for weeks, I can still bend backwards and touch the ground etc. Well, I have to admit that my back's quite flexible, so it's pretty easy to "recover". Haha... so bhb :P But, my leg's not that well. Sigh... they're not as flexible. And I can't point well, which is really bad for a dancer. Ouch! I'm not that good afterall. haha..

sleepless night

2006-09-22T03:54:00.000+08:00

才刚睡下去没多久，就有醒了。那时大概是凌晨一点时分... 好久没有这种感觉了，还蛮累的，但就是睡不着。好希望自己能快点睡下去，但就是睡不着。光躺在床上，什么也不做，只会让我想很多事情。所以在床上翻了大概两个钟头后，便起床干点事儿了。

I suspect this has something to do with that something which i suspect is that something. Haha... I guess a person can go mad at 4 am due to insomnia :P

How is it possible for one to feel happy, hopeful, yet sad and worried? But that's exactly how i feel right now! While tossing and turning for 2 hours, wondering how I'm feeling exactly, that's what I get. All of a sudden, the emotional self has taken over the calm one. Perhaps it's a sign of the arrival of the monthly one. eeks.. ok random. Sat on the bed hugging my pillow while wrapped in my super thick and comfortable blanket, I thought of things that i could do while going through a sleepless night. Computer wasn't available back then coz it was occupied :P Haha.. brother was playing dotA. What came to my mind? First, comics! Coz i'm currently re-reading some books of conan. Second, milo. Haha... so it'll be drinking milo while reading comics. :) Third, pride and prejudice vcd. Seems like it's my all time favourite.

-sidetrack-
Pride and prejudice vcd. Since the time i bought it, it had been with me through quite some stuff. Remember crying over all the sad things and all the happy things when I'm sad, thinking that all the good things rarely happen in real life. But also grinning at all the happy stuff, funny stuff AND sad stuff when I'm happy, thinking that all the things happening are just part of the happy ending. Keira Knightley's so beautiful. Ha.. random too.
-moving back to main topic :P-

All of a sudden, while I thought and thought (and perhaps had thought too much) about the thing, I felt like crying. Seriously I think it's a sign of the monthly one. haha... oh no, :( I feel like crying again. hahaha... sure sign already. It's not that bad things had happened, it's the reverse! Good things had happened!! In fact, many good things had happened. Everything's good (if we ignore academics :P). Just the 2 arts related events are good enough already! I've also moved back to dancing last saturday (which reminds me, I have to contact my friend who hadn't been attending for a long time) after a few weeks of skipping. And the balloon that seems to be hope is showing again! I'm just worried...

我很怕... 怕这一切只是我一厢情愿的想法。我担心一切的一切，只因为我非常在意，而显得特别。眼中的希望，或许只是我太敏感而幻想出来的。他说的一句话，不断地在我脑海里，重复的出现。我听起来，那句话非常特别，似乎有双重意思，英文把它叫做 "pun"。可是，我就是担心那只是我一厢情愿的想法。我害怕说者无意，而听者多心呀！为什么事情就不能简单点，清楚点，让一切都明了，省得我心里七上八下的。唉~ 不禁让我在心中呐喊着：

“单恋好辛苦呀！”

猛然发现，沉浸在这痛苦的单恋里的我，竟变成了一个小女人。真不知该喜还是该忧。

Happy Birthdays!!

2006-09-21T19:09:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday to Fel! Paiseh, downtown east's a bit far and no one on our side's going... it'll be so awkward :P But well, we don't have to be physically present as long as you know that we're always there to care :) it rhymes!! haha... Take care lots and lots k fel!

Next, Happy Birthday Chaky!! Let me see... minus away the games, I guess i still got treat you larz :P Fun games!! (with some that seems a bit *ahem* yep, boring) YOU STOLE MY HEART QUEEN!! Hmph you for that! And i've got no other choice but to admit that your brains are a lot better than mine coz you're always left with less squares. I won't mind if you slice a bit off your brain and stick it to mine. Oh, i mean you keep the tiny slice and i take the big portion. Hahaha...

Swensens was way too full, I wonder why... I didn't eat anything after I woke up at 11, and drank only dilmah peach tea. We had free ice cream! Nope, not the usual firehouse. Well, of course the firehouse's there too, but got one extra plate each lei. =/ And she didn't even bother to check his ID for birthday!!

Was supposed to watch "The Devil wears Prada" at gv grand. The only slot available's 4.50pm. Well, I thought we'll end early, but we ended up playing board games and card games which took about 2 hours. Hahaha... The cafe was way noisy, reminds me of IJC's library with J1s :P

While walking back to ps, where chaky'll meet his second batch of clients for the day, where I'll cross the road to take a bus home :) Saw a familiar uniform that looks like half-riped bananas, then saw a familiar face.... it was cassandra from dance!! She saw me too of course. Ha.. Then, at the bus stop, I saw someone as skinny as zihua, and looks like zihua in JJ's uniform. Messaged piggy and found out tt zihua's in JJ, so it IS zihua. :P haha.. town's filled with crescentians i guess.

Still working on fel's birthday present :) Done the basic structure already, just need some colours.. Chaky suggests we mass-produce these cards and sell in school, to start small. hahaha... So, any orders? :P

希望之火再度燃起，但我总得警惕。。。

或许，这已成为了一种习惯，因为害怕受到伤害。

若可行的话，希望点燃蜡烛的人能清楚地说明那是否就是希望之火。

More pictures

2006-09-18T18:10:00.000+08:00

Travelled around today, to SPH then to AKQA@ADK. Went to SPH to get my prize, the $300 pilot hamper. Well, a lot of pens, but not as many as we had all imagined. Hahaha.. some of them look really expensive. Haven't opened it yet, so I didn't find out what are those things hidden inside. 2 unknown boxes. Hmm.. but well, some of these pens would be gone to chaky bah. To AKQA@ADK located at bugis to pass the CD with the high resolution files to them. Well, My dad drove me around, so it wasn't tiring. But i walked in the rain while trying to search for the company at bugis. Didn't mind doing that though, feels good. :) Anw, i wore a cap, so it's alright. As long as my eyes don't get provoked, I doubt they'll eat you up.

So well, here are more pictures. Enjoy, and comments please!

These 2 pictures of 2 heads (Each) are attempts to do sth different, inspired by a card eileen had bought for me while she's in taiwan. Haha.. Had wondered why she actually bought sth for me, but she said that she thought of me immediately when she saw it. Well, it was a card, designed of course. :) As usual, I used my pilot G2 0.5 black pen, with a marker that's quite like copic, but I've forgotten the brand name. :P

For the pencil doodle, if i'm not wrong, it was done when i'm still in a rather moody self. And if i'm not wrong again, it was due to him. Yes, him. =/ Oh, well. Whatever! That's why the picture looks lonely and sad. Not sure if it does with you, but well, I drew it, I know how i had felt. Another one of my "eerie no eyes" series :)

The colourful one, it's my attempt to do sth new (yet old) again. Think I did it when zek was trying to psycho me into joining the contest organised by TNP. Yep, tried out some stuff with colours, and that's one of them. It was meant to be quite big actually, but I was lazy. Anyway, my friends didn't think it was good. Hmm... But come to think of it, I think it's more that i'm lazy bah. Haha.. coz actually, i'm quite fond of this too. Don't know why but it seems quite 2D moving to 3D. Get what i mean?

. . . a r t l o a d s . . .

2006-09-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

YAY! Though I don't have a scanner at home, my bro has his digi-cam. But i never knew how to control e flash and e macro thingy, so i seldom touch it. But just now, I suddenly felt like taking pictures of my drawings. It all started with e present that I'll be giving my friend as a birthday present. I kinda like it, so I thought I should take it down before it's gone! Haha... So in the end my bro came back to teach me more on how to operate his camera :)

In short, enjoy the pictures :)

2 shots of the birthday present.

(my friend doesn't visit my blog.. so it's ok to post it :P)

While trying out the colour combi, I doodled a little. And i think it's quite cute. haha...

This one is a third drawing done after being inspired by alex noriega :) He made me spend so much time drawing in the school library when i'm supposed to mug up!! It looks kinda empty. I had intended to draw some more things inside, but well, lazy. The engine stopped after I've reached this stage.

This is my third attempt in sketching real life ppl. Why didn't I complete it? Because the hair's too Urghh.. to draw. And i drew the whole thing in the school library again. :P My way of making use of the school library!

Lastly, something that i'm VERY fond of. :) Guess it really says what i'm trying to say. Read the chinese words! Well, if you can't read, it says "is this how it feels like to lose hope, to wait alone?" Sometimes, I still feel this way, but not as often as the past. Perhaps it's because I kept psycho-ing myself to give up bah! o.O This is one of my "eerie no eyes" series that's forever growing! :P A few of them are being *favourited* by me. Haha.. meaning that i really like them a lot, and this is one of them!

Well, my bro wants to use e com. So i can't upload anymore (and it takes such a long time to upload coz the file's big. But i'm lazy to shrink them anw :P). So, now that you've taken a peek at my sketchbook 2, comments please? :)

W O O O O O O O ~

2006-09-15T21:43:00.000+08:00

Never ending surprises! They just pop up like that! You know, just like *poof*. Yeah! Just like that! Haha... you must be wondering what i'm on about. Well, it's

Good News!!

That's what it is! :)

Well, someone called me while i was in the midst of my chinese paper yesterday. I didn't know i had a phone call of course, I don't cheat during exams :P So anw, 2 miss calls from the same number that's not in my record. So while I was wondering if I should call back, after I've checked my phone, someone called with that number again! Whoaa~ Must have sensed my mind power. Haha... So anw, while walking to the toilet, outside, waiting for my friend, that person said that she's from -----Singapore. So it's something singapore, but i didn't catch that "something". So I was like "what?!", she repeated, and this time round I heard it clear!

"I'm calling from NoiseSingapore. Congratulations, you have been shortlisted. Now we need a high resolution copy ... ... ..."

Once i heard, NoiseSingapore, I knew what it's all about! Haha.. Just never knew that they'd inform me this soon. I thought it'd be like around november or earliest possible october. Yeah, I'm shortlisted! I mean....

YEAH!!

Haha.. that's about all the excitement I've got here. But I don't know about all the resolution stuff. :P Had them email me the details so that I can ask chaky for help :D Since he did all those things already, doubt he'll mind helping. :P Haha... happy happy happy!!!

HURRAH FOR ME!!! HURRAH FOR ME!!!

NoiseSingapore's bigger than TNP's "express yourself" contest, most probably(even though I don't get a prize from NoiseSingapore :P). To know what NoiseSingapore's all about, click on the link on the right column *wink* Just in case you had no idea, the link had been there since.... some time ago. haha.. since i changed my blogskin bah! :)

So now there's gonna be a festival, and according to the email, the festival's on 9 Nov 6.30 - 9 pm. And guess what, I've just checked my 'A's timetable, and on that day, it's math paper 2, ending at 5 pm!! And the next paper's econs essay on 14 Nov!! I wonder if i'll have the time for all these. Eeks~

Random stuff in great world macs

2006-09-13T22:51:00.000+08:00

Days of studying in Great World macs... see that it's a favourite hangout for many more other than me. More people go there to study now, some others just sat there to chat and have fun... some always spend their time outside with their usual cliques. Sometimes you'll catch some underage smokers, or some gang-member-looking people. Haha...

Anyway, i've realised some interesting things about myself. They seem interesting to me, not sure if they are interesting to you. :P

First, height seriously helps when you need some attention. Well, I know i'm not good-looking (might not even fit for average looking :P) and that I don't catch attention in macs. BUT! haha.. when I stand up to go to the toilet, or to buy food/drinks, I'll see some eyes on me. Well, it's all about height. Some will look at me, then look at my feet (to search for heels xD). But of course, these eyes do not stay long on me since i'm no interesting creature with no good looks and no figure. HA!

Second, this might sound "not bad mah!" to you guys, but I know it's not good. xD At times when I sit backfacing the wall, people who walk past will look at me. BUT! That's when they're a distance away, and when my head's a little down. HA! So well, if they're up close, I think I'll scare them away :P

Nothing more to say le bah. So sian every day. SIgh...

h e l o o k s c o o l o n h i s b i k e

2006-09-07T22:32:00.000+08:00

The last time i saw him, he was in his school uniform, I think... haha.. if it was him. But the uniform looks alien! I mean, we're of the same age, so naturally if he's wearing uniform, I'd be expecting JC, or some institute(which currently is just MI)... can't be ITE also mah.. he doesn't look ITE to me, neither does his uniform. He's still tall and lean, and a lot fairer than i am :P And he still looks quite him.

Remember discussing about the guys in our class with a friend of mine back in primary school days... I remember her mentioning that he's actually quite shuai, just that he's short. Hmm.. look at him now! He's tall! He was so so so so short!! NOW HE'S TALL!!! Bet my friend would be so excited, if she remembers what we had discussed about, and in the first place, if i remember who that friend is :P Yeah, i've forgotten who she is. HAHA...

Anyway, I saw him just now. I was walking out of the lane, turning to walk along the main road back home. Then, I saw this guy cycling downhill. Alright, he's not the poseur-like kinda cool, but the naturally cool, in his casual wear. :) That's cool isn't it! So i saw him, and I saw that he saw me too. And i guess he saw that I saw him too. HAHAHA... Not sure if he recognises me though. Hmm... never mind that. Yeah, so he looks quite cool cycling, and to add on, he had looked smart and cool in his uniform too!! It's that kinda tucked in smart and cool!! Was wondering if he's cycling with a destination in mind or just cycling. My guess is just cycling in the night feeling the breeze :)

It's not my first time seeing him on his bicycle, but again, I don't see him often. Seeing him cycle just now makes me feel like doing the same! Because the night breeze's just so refreshing, and it's quiet! Seeing him again, makes me feel like making friends with him. :)

We had been classmates for 6 full years, and we don't really know each other. He helped pass notes to me though, back in primary 4, when I had a very long MC and had to stay at home after surgery. We live in the same block you see... so, well. :) Hadn't been able to thank him back then, so I shall thank him here, where he most probably won't get to see... haha.. Thank you Julius! :) Oh, and we actually said hi to each other back in secondary school days, when I saw him one day with his brothers. Bumped into them at the gate downstairs, so he said hi. Hmm.. Kids make friends easily. But that time, we were in the lift together, no one spoke! HAHA.. I can't confirm it's him, so i didn't speak. But then again, even if i can confirm it's him, I most likely won't speak anyway. :P

So well, hopefully I'll make friends with him one day. :) At least we'll greet when we meet, and not just suffer the awkward moments, debating whether we should say hi. HAHA...

These foolish games are tearing me apart

2006-09-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

一次又一次，

屡战屡败...

我投降了，

我认命了。

累了又怎样？

还得再战啊！

当我痛苦的在战场上，

挣扎着，想打赢你时，

你毫不费力的，毫无知觉的，

就这样一直让我惨败。

对于我的痛苦，

你一无所知。

对于你心里所想得，

我一无所知。

无奈的是...

我只看得见你的不屑。

Foolish games - jewel

You took your coat off and stood in the rain

You were always crazy like that I watched from my window

Always felt I was outside looking in on you

You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair

You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care

Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say

Besides some comment on the weather

Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see

This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees

These foolish games are tearing me apart

Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You're breaking my heart

You were always brilliant in morning

Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee

You philosophies on art, Baroque moved you

You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones

As I clumsily strummed my guitar

Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else

Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself

These foolish games are tearing me apart

You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart

Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

You're breaking my heart

You took off your coat and stood in the rain

You were always crazy like that

that's all!

2006-09-03T19:32:00.000+08:00

More youngsters spotted at gwc macs today, studying. Seems like the number of muggers there's shooting up. Hmm... Is that due to the nearing of Os and As? But i do see a lot of Os students there, and sometimes a few As students. Oh, well.. as long as they shut up, it doesn't bother me that much. :)

Met chaky today to pass him e card i made specially to thank him for the x number of times. Haha... no scanner to scan the (supposedly) beautiful card (which got ruined by my attempts to make it even nicer). Yep... but anw, he said that it's nice, so i guess it's fine larz. :P Oh, but when i said "i'm off le...", he's like "huh? that's all?" HAHAHA.. oops. Sorry to say, but yeah, that's all. :X I'll still be giving him a treat of course. I'm considering 2 options currently, swensens or a week's worth of canteen food. haha... not that i'm trying to be stingy k, it's because he's ever so busy and not like i'm always free, it's hard to find time. No choice... But he said that it's ok to not treat him, since we actually had agreed that i'll treat him if i get the canon ixus. perhaps I should heed his advice. :P Juz joking.

Wonder if I should study out tmr. If i do study out, should i ask my frenz to go to sch and study, or should i study alone in gwc? Hmmm... Oh well, i'm hungry. Shall go play gunbound now. haha.. no link. OH YA! I'm no longer a tiny axe!! I'm now a BATTLE AXE!! but i'm e noobest battle axe. At least I won't get kicked out that easily with a battle axe. Haha..

HUH? THAT'S ALL? yeah. xD

A roller coaster ride

2006-09-01T18:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday had been a roller coaster ride? Can i say that? Haha...

Zek called while i was at e bus stop outside orchart mrt station, asking me to get a copy of the new paper because the results of "Express Yourself" was out yesterday. The first thing that came into my mind, and which i blurted out on the phone, was "Don't tell me i won something..." Unfortunately, zek replied "I don't know the results, but it's out today.... " -_- CHEH!

*You ppl muz be asking, 'what's "Express Yourself"?' Well, remember the other time I asked all of you to vote for green, blue or orange? Yeh, that was for "Express Yourself" competition. And i guess you all know what "Express Yourself" means right. haha.. *

The 2 of us then debated for a while...

--his stand: "I think you'll win"

my stand: "I don't think i'll win anything"--

...with him saying that he has confidence in me, in the kinda tone like I've seriously won it.

So first thing I did when i reached gwc was to purchase the new paper from 7-eleven. Flipped through the pages, frantically looking for my art, and didn't managed to find a thing. Flipped from the back to the front, and it ended the same way. -_- I called to tell him that it's not inside, but that was after I jokingly lied to him that i won. Haha.. He said that he'll check with his friend again, and less than a minute after I hung up, while flipping through the pages again, reading the news, I FOUND IT! It was pictureless, and only showing the names of the winners(no wonder I couldn't find it). So, I started looking for my name, which should be an easy job since i've seen it for at least 15 years (nursery till now) and because "Q" is such a rare letter for a surname.

Surprise, surprise! I found my name! It was under "consolation prize". So I did win something(yay!) but i lost the debate(boo..)! Hahaha... mind you, I don't mind losing the debate to win that competition k. Of course, I called him!! And i told him calmly that I won a consolation prize. He seemed more excited than I was, but well, I'm always seemingly calm. Haha.. He was like "hey not bad what! Consolation prize! $300 hamper!..." and all i could say was, "orh, ok lorz" HAHAHA... totally, see how calm I was. And my calmness only made him think that i'm not happy that I won a consolation prize. He even asked me if it's because I thought that i'll win a canon ixus (which is e prize for e top 3 entries). Haha.. please lorz, i didn't even think i'll get anything.

He then told me that his friend had told him that my drawing's displayed on the webby, as one of the "selected entries" for category 2. I just checked it for myself, and found that it was one of the four selected entries. FOUR!!! that means i was so close to winning an ixus!! hahaha.. but never mind. It's beyond my imagination for winning a consolation prize already. Oh, and my bro mocked the other winner "who won just by taking a picture of his eye", quoting him. HAHA.. whatever.

Winning something in a competition does help in your life sometimes, even if it's just a consolation prize. I told my bro that i won, and when i got home, he told me that he told mum already. And surprisingly, I kinda got a different treatment from my parents! Not that they don't usually treat me well, but yesterday was all smiles and happiness, you know. haha.. and my dad was still saying happily "wha.. you finally woke up!" when i woke up at 3 pm today. Oh and btw, I woke up finding a fan at the door, facing my room. My dad had specially moved it there so that I can sleep well, although it's time when i should wake up. See how powerful it is?

Anyway, check it out yourself...

http://www.beyourselfday.com.sg/entries.html

Paint illustrations

2006-08-30T18:10:00.000+08:00

Well, since I can't scan my hand-drawns, I shall post my illustrations done with Paint (yes, that paint that's so pathetic) and my new mouse that always go outta control (Hate the new mouse coz I cannot draw properly. hmph!)

This is the first one, and it's called froggie. Yep, juz froggie. Actually, I think it'll look nicer without the blue background, but well, it's not really my concern. But as fred had said, it's kinda plain. But again, it's not my concern. hahaha....

Oh and how much I love this one! It's called Robo xD. I think it's so damn cute larz! ok... have to control myself a bit. *ahem* ok.. yeah, I love this a lot and I hope you'll like it too xD.

Regarding him...

2006-08-30T18:04:00.000+08:00

是我不懂得把握机会，还是这是命中注定？

Sometimes, I feel that the chance is there, but I'm passive. I always wait for him to do something and seldom am the one who initiates. Why? Because I keep thinking that he'll find me a bother if I initiate a chat or sth. So to prevent this kinda stuff from happening, why not let him do the job? But when he does the job, I didn't react very well too. Sigh...

If all that had happened was due to fate, I really would like to say, "FATE! CAN YOU STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH ME?"

Inspiring experience

2006-08-29T16:56:00.000+08:00

Came online one day -- I think it was Sunday -- and bumped into this video on Youtube, featuring this illustrator drawing his stuff. From that video, I didn't really got "WOW"-ed, but after I visited the link it provided, I "WHOOAAA"-ed. Haha.. Yep, those of you in my class might have heard me blabbering abt him several times a day. He's none other than Alex Noriega. I'm here introducing an illustrator to you! I think i'll be doing this more often, digging out artists from the net. I want a scanner too, so that I can join in the posting of lots and lotsa illustrations! Scanner for my christmas present anyone? :)

And here's one of his illustrations during his free time :)

Talking about scanner, imagine all the tech tools that I need, or rather want (since i'm not really an artist now)... Scanner, Wacom tablet, Photoshop, and more... :X Sigh... where am I gonna get all the money. When it comes to this kinda situation, I really envy those rich brats who don't even know how to appreciate what they've got. Well, who am I to talk bad about them when i'm not rich but too don't know how to appreciate what I've got! Haiz...

Time when I don't wanna talk to him, or am too busy to chat, he approaches me; When I feel like talking to him, he doesn't find me (neither do i find him). Call it fate? Sigh... When I don't wanna see him, I see him almost everywhere I go. When I long to see him, he's no where to be seen. Guess we're just not destined, sad. Bahhh... shall not talk about him. HMPH!

Got more chunking notes from econs. It's microeconomics now and the notes are not micro at all. It's like THIS THICK. Haha.. of course you won't know how thick it is, but that's not my concern. :X

11 days from now and I just lost my momentum during the weekend. Blame it on kinia for returning? xD Or blame it on Alex Noriega for inspiring me to draw more? (erm... I actually completed 2 pieces within 2 days after visiting his blog, the third one's almost finished too) Hopefully, I'll be able to upload my illustrations soon too. My only solution now is to ask one of my friends to help me scan, but everyone's busy now. Oh, or I can ask Mr. Lee, but he's busy too. xD Or I can go to NMA lab to scan, but i'm busy too. :X

Tomorrow's GP prelim and I don't even feel like touching GP. My life's almost revolving around econs now when I only count those times I study. >.<>

从前 vs 未来

2006-08-27T19:16:00.000+08:00

古文明总给人一种浪漫的感觉，很有文化气息，很雅致，也很美。今天的主体灵感来自于《海贼王》。你一定觉得很奇怪吧，两者之间有何共同点？其实，是读者寄的画作，里头有一幅的背景是旧式的火车，而尾田先生的想法是: “还是旧式的火车好！”之类的。突然，就让我想起了古代的文明。

古时候的房子，古时候的井，古时候的艺术品，古时候许许多多的东西，不需要人的陪衬，便能显得出它的高雅，华丽气质。但若问起比较现代化的东西，并不是说所有物品都失去了这特别的气质，只是显得比较冷漠。未来，更不用说了。设计中的“未来”总显得很干净，但也很冷漠。白色，银色，塑胶，铁片。。。我们对于未来，总会想起的颜色，便是如此。

是否，人也是如此呢？是否，从前的人们比现代的人们来的浪漫，有文化，有情调，有气质。。。或许吧。我是个活在现代人，对于过去，我不完全了解，最多也只能凭着书上说的。对于未来，我一无所知，最多也只能听科学家说的，抑或听听人们对未来的“梦想”。美丽的语言，崇高的礼节，悠久的文化，到了现在，已不再是生活的一部分，各成了一种科目。那么，未来呢？人们以后是否仍会面对面的，保留着那种特殊的感情，还是会把“足不出户”挂在嘴边呢？

未来会如何，要看现在。

我到底想说什么？我也不清楚。

GB has many sore losers

2006-08-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

Haha.. yeah, i changed my blogskin again, but this time round, i think i'm gonna stick with it for a while :P

Actually, I like this skin. I've seen this skin before, but back then, i was too lazy to change e colour of e fonts to suit a black background (my bg was white previously), but now that i've changed e font colours, i guess it's alright :D

Had some gunbound juz now, not a good day today. Played with a sore loser who started scolding me a bitch juz because he lost badly. Well, this kinda person's not uncommon in online games, so i merely ignored. Then, when i finally lost to him, he said "you lose bitch". And, i continued to ignore him... Well, i have to admit tt i was getting to be angry, but well, not angry enough to scold. If I start scolding, it really means you're getting on my nerves. Finally, he made me reached that peak by saying that i'm a noob, juz not as friendly as that. :X Hmm.. i don't mind being called a noob actually, but it's just that it's HIM calling me a noob! So, I scolded him back, saying tt he's not any better (but i'm friendlier than him), and he started scolding some stuff. Like.. urghh.. and then he scolded "you asian piece of shit" LIKE WHAT?! so i scolded him back "you aussie piece of shit". I then felt tt i'm being unfair to the other aussies, so i added "you're a disgrace to all australians". HA! He said that asia hates me. Well, all i can say's that he's a sore loser. :) Luckily, the nx guy who came in was SUPER NICE! so i got happy again xD

met up with mama and all today! :) had fun? Ermm.. can't say tt we had fun, but it's not a moment to be missed because it's not often that we can all meet up like that. Oh.. Kinia grew taller. *pouts* she's 172 cm now *pouts even more*. 172!! MY IDEAL HEIGHT! And she's actually in third year uni now, when she's just 17. hmm... she's graduating at 19, tt's e age we get into e U, if i can even make it there.

Guilt: Haven't been studying today besides doing a few mcq questions from e econ tys.

I'm hungry

what's up with us?!

2006-08-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

Hmm... towards the end of last year, I was reminded by my dad during a visit to NSC that I was once an interesting subject to the many doctors and trainees there. Well, apparently I had some skin disease when I was bornt and it's kinda rare, i mean, it's very rare. o.O Haha... yeah, and according to my dad, the doctors were like asking e trainees to look at me because not every doctor gets a chance to see my kinda condition. =S Hahaha... rare baby. Well, but i'm healthy now =)

Alright, so that's just me with the rare skin disease when I was bornt. So, I just really wonder what's up with my family? You see, I get this really rare skin disease, and now my maternal grandmother gets this never-seen-before cancer. (Why aren't we this lucky when buying 4D or toto?) You see, one of my uncles just called to talk to my mum. The first topic that came into my mind was "ah ma's cancer". Well, it's quite an easy guess, and it's correct. So, actually my grandmother had visited tan tock seng 2 times already, do find out what kinda cancer she's down with. The first time, the doctors didn't manage to find out, so they needed more sample. Some grumbles from our side, but then again, we're not experts in this faculty, can't really say much. So, they went for a second time, and we waited for the results. That's why my uncle called. They are still unable to find out what kind of cancer my grandmother's under. So my mum suggested in the phone to ask for the medical reports from this "lousy hospital" and visit general hospital to try our luck again. And the thing is that, according to the doctor whom my uncle had spoken to, more than one doctor's looking into this case, and more than one hospital is investigating. My uncle had been told that more than 10 doctors from the different hospitals in Singapore had sat down together to discuss this matter, and that they had never came accross this cancer before.

So the concern now is that we're asked to let them try a third time and the possible consequences that it'll lead to. I guess the first concern will be the welfare of my grandmother. You know old people are usually passive about operations and check-ups, moreover, to endure the pain for a third time! What's more, for 2 times, they had been unable to find the root of the problem, so are they able to find that out this time round? The doctors had actually admitted that there is no guarantee that they'll find it out this time. So, it's kinda unfair. And i doubt she'll want to go for a third time. But I think it's really up to her.

The second concern, will most probably be the financial part. We're not rich; even though there are 9 siblings to share the burden, each family does not have that much of a surplus to subsidise they're no-guarantee investigations. But I really wonder, when my mum told me about what went on through e phone, if they can pay for all these investigations, or at least subsidise us because it does not only benefit us. But well, it's back to the first concern, the danger that my grandmother faces if she goes through it the third time (though I don't really know what danger it poses) and her fear.

Sigh... It's kinda problematic now.

It's my dad's birthday today. We had planned to eat out. But in the end, they bought food home. It's partly our fault larz, my bro and I. :P Well, I slept after reading econs for a short while, slept for more than 2 hours. And my bro fell asleep after dota too. Haha... so we end up eating at home. But well, I guess to him, as long as we're together, it doesn't really matter. =)

It's dancing tomorrow, and gathering the day after tomorrow. =) YAY!

FAMILY :D

2006-08-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

Kinia's coming back!! :D It's been such a long time since we've last seen her. She messaged us yesterday. Kah Yin (aka piggy) first received e message. But she didn't receive e first part of e message, so it didn't sound right.. Haha.. I checked my phone some time later and found out tt she messaged me too, and i got the full message :D. So we got to find out that she's in indo now, and she'll be coming to singapore!! With Kinia coming back, it'll mean that we'll be having a clique gathering in gwc! YAY!!! It's hard to find time for everyone, but with such a rare friend coming back to visit us, we HAVE to make ourselves free. :) Even if it means i have to skip dance for it. Hahaha.. kidding. Think i'll be going for the friday lesson bah.

Had been seriously attempting to study recently (not today) and i can't say that it's been successful, but at least i'm improving. I've a lot of things to learn for econs, a lot of things to practise for math, a lot of things that i should know for GP, and a lot of things to memorise for chinese. yeah.. that's pretty much it, if i exclude all the drawing practices that I have to engage myself in occasionally so that I might have the hope of getting into that course, and all the dance practices I have (though I've just went last sat after 3 weeks of absence).

Came online, saw that he's online. After activating windows media player, he's gone. Well... fate. Haha... Leopold Stokowski rocks! Hahaha.. THat's so random. :P

Just found out today that Eileen had been kinda scared of me before i started to really talk with her and xiao wei this year. She told me that even during e chinese new year period, she had been a bit scared. Her reasons being that the look i give her makes her think that I don't like her, and of course, the intimidating aura I give off when i'm not smiling. Ha! What can i say... she's not the first one to point that out to me. But i'll look silly if i smile all the time right? Well.. heck it.

Just 75 days to A levels. I regret that i didn't manage to pluck up courage to retain voluntarily. SIgh...

bwahahaha...

2006-08-12T15:38:00.000+08:00

Why the math teacher cried

That's the title of an email i received from my friend. But when i opened it, I laughed like mad... HAHAHA... i guess the teacher laughed too hard and tears came out. HAHAHAHAHAHA... and i'm here to post that email here so that I won't be clogging up some other ppl's inbox.

E X P A N D

Images

2006-08-09T20:13:00.000+08:00

Eh.. not exactly a blogging day. :D juz came to post some pictures. Erm. actually, i just got this pictures from fred. And they are pictures i drew while chatting with him on msn. :D Erm.. I drew them with the mouse, so please forgive me for the wibbly-wobbly lines, and the horrible proportions.

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I do remember this cat. Kind of. Haha... I love drawing cats... there's my usual miaow miaow, but this is a different cat. Inspired by that little black cat I used to hang on my phone, and which i lost in school. The black cat, i mean. :(

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oh ho ho.. i do remember this little girl. Don't know why. Haha.. he sent me this some time ago actually, but he has forgotten about it, and sent me again today. But i didn't forget, so i rejected. Hahaha..

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This one i don't have impression. Actually, when fred sent me this, I was kinda surprised, like "You mean I drew this?!" Hahaha.. I find it quite nice eh. Plus point: I drew it with a mouse!

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Erm.. this is kinda my usual drawings on msn bah. I always draw the side views on msn. Have no idea why i can actually draw a better sideview with a mouse than with a pencil/pen. *raise eyebrows* Erm... don't have impression coz I always draw this. Haha..

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Now that I've presented some of my drawings to you, would you mind commenting? Come on, i know you won't mind that right.. :D

无声的对话

2006-08-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

。。。无声的对话。。。

这五个字来自昨天傍晚，我在地铁列车上所碰到的两位聋哑人士。

看见他们俩之间的“对话”，

突然就出现了这五个字。

同时，脑子里也出现了两个人的画面。

他们相互看着对方，

进行无声的对话。

不记得画面的细节，

只知道它带点伤感。

。。。。。。。。。。。。

第一篇，换来的是一句话。

第二篇，换来的是两个字。

第三篇，换来的是。。。

毫无回应。

这默默的冷淡，

让我肯定了一切的猜测。

虽然有时候，总希望我能提起勇气，告诉他所有的事情，但是，我知道就算是以后再也没机会见面了，我也不敢开口的。常听到一些故事中的主角，暗恋的对象其实也暗恋着主角。只因为主角始终未开口，所以他也没主动。这凄美的情节，毕竟只存在于故事中。他不可能跟我经历同一种痛苦，对他的爱慕，不可能会回来的。为什么？看他看见我是地反应，听他跟我说话的感觉，读他回我的简讯，电邮，所表现出的漠不关心。。。　一切的一切，都在叫我放弃。要就此松手，并非易事。当中的艰辛，痛苦，与泪水，足以让你断肠。

Thank you!

2006-08-07T19:34:00.000+08:00

A big

Thank You

to all who bothered to respond

Ermm.. It's kinda funny to say this. Told zek tt e favourite is orange and he suggested we submit everything. -_-" haha.. but nvm. At least i get to know the public's taste

Feel that i'm obliged to inform you people about this competition, though i doubt that you all will read this entry. Haha.. it's actually organised by "The New Paper", and I think it's for BeYourselfDay. *raise eyebrows?* Haha... Yeah. If i win, I'll get a canon camera. But I doubt i'll win. :/ Nevertheless, I still have to thank all those who had helped. Sincere.

Besides this TNP BeYourselfDay competition, I might also be submitting my drawings for Noise Singapore. :) Once again, I doubt I'll get anything much. Doubt my pieces will be chosen, but it's still a learning experience. Yep. But if they were to be selected, I guess I'll be more encouraged and motivated to study coz i'll be more determined to get into NTU. Haha.. what an excuse. But that doesn't help me get selected does it... Sigh...

Well, so just wish me luck. :)

GOOD LUCK!!

I helped you ppl say le. :P So bhb right.. Hahaha...

And Gerald saw my new hairstyle for the first time today. :/ He said i look like ying tao xiao wan zi. o.O Heh............ Some more is e black version of xiao wan zi lorz.. -_-" And he actually thought that the back of everyone's head is flat... Luckily JJ corrected him. Hahaha...